No overview of husband's finances

[london2314]

I'm writing about this as I would like to get different views to know if I am maybe viewing this blindly

My husband and I have separate bank accounts and each take care of our own expenses. He pays for all household related costs, I pay for all child related costs. It's always been this way from when we were dating.

My husband was previously married and his ex milked him in the settlement so he's a bit burnt. A few years ago I was pregnant we had some major disagreements to the point that it was make or break for us. At some point during this stage he moved money around. After our daughter was born, I set about preparing a will and was surprised to find that his savings were suddenly less than half (I knew how much his savings were as we were just the year before planning to buy a property together and spoke about deposits). He pretended to not understand what I meant and hasn't given me a conclusive answer except that he bought shares and reinvested the money.

Sorry, it posted without me finishing!

Now, we applied for a joint mortgage and I find it suspicious that even though I am collating all the documentation, he doesn't allow me to see any of his pay slips or bank statements.

It's raised warning bells for me.

Recently his job had to move to France as his firm made that decision with Brexit. Our marriage is already on ice again as I can't find work in France - my jobs are all in the UK - and for me to move with him, I need to not work. I am a good earner, making almost as much as him, and because of the financial independence it's not something I can easily accept. I played with taking a year or two off work but now, this whole scenario with the mortgage really has me thinking twice.

Am I overreacting about the hidden and unexplained finances?

You're not overreacting at all.

If I were you, I'd ask again about the finances and, if no satisfactory answers, I'd plan to stay in the UK and make a go of things myself.

I'd certainly not think about a mortgage with him. Nor would I give up work to be with him in France. That has financial drawbacks for you written all over it.

No, no, no.

You're married. Your financial situation is a joint concern. You should know everything and he should want you to.

Massive red flag.

Whatever you do,
Don’t move to France.
And yes, this is all wrong .

What stood out to me is that he has at the outset told you ‘his ex milked his money’. Yeh right. Don’t give up your job, remain independent.

If it doesn't feel right and he's being less than transparent then don't even think it about it!

I think it's perfectly understandable that if someone loses out financially in divorce, they may opt to keep finances separate in future. But that doesn't really tie in so much with getting married.

I'd suspect he's earning less now, with the hefty dent in savings and reluctance to let you see payslips or statements.

The thought of you giving up your career to move to France for this man is giving me chills.

Do. Not. Move. There (and I think France is awesome!)

Forensic accountant to get to the bottom of the finance stuff?

Couple's counselling?