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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I want him out

16 replies

livingforthegooddays · 09/10/2019 16:45

I've had enough of my relationship. I feel under valued, not appreciated, controlled and just completely broken.

We been together 8 years, 2 children. Sometimes he's been violent, said horrible things. We've broken up got back together over and over.

This time I want him gone for good. How can I do this without a big kick off argument where he will no doubt go for me.

Obviously the first thing people will say is call the police if he gets angry. It's not that simple he wouldn't just allow me to call them he will take my phone for certain. I don't want to leave this is mine and my kids home, it's private rented tenancy is in my name.

Any ideas please

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/10/2019 16:46

Do you have any friends or family who can support you when you tell him to leave?

Original poster
livingforthegooddays · 09/10/2019 16:54

I have one friend that's all really @Shoxfordian

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 09/10/2019 16:56

I strongly suggest calling Womens Aid for advice in making a plan to split up safely.

When he's been violent before, is there any record of that with the police, your GP, etc?

Shoxfordian · 09/10/2019 16:56

Can they help?
Or you could call ahead of time, tell the police he's likely to be violent and ask them to attend to prevent a breach of the peace, call the non emergency number for advice

Women's aid probably also can advise you

Original poster
livingforthegooddays · 09/10/2019 16:59

@FuriousVexation yes there are past police reports probably 4 or 5 of them.

I will call women's aid tomorrow when he's at work for advice thankyou

OP posts:
Original poster
livingforthegooddays · 09/10/2019 17:00

@Shoxfordian not really she has 2 children and partner of her own. She will help in the mental support aspect tho definitely.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/10/2019 17:03

Ah ok, definitely call Womens Aid
Hope it goes ok

Ruderidinghood · 09/10/2019 17:03

Call womens aid and 101 they may send a support officer to help you as well.

Original poster
livingforthegooddays · 09/10/2019 17:05

@Shoxfordian thankyou me too. It's been a very long time coming I just feel ready now. I've been broken for so long I want to fix myself and find myself. Just want this weight lifting from my shoulders

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/10/2019 17:09

Keep posting on here for support op
Flowers

lyingwanker · 09/10/2019 17:13

I went to a solicitor who specialises in domestic violence and got an emergency court order that got him out of the house and stopped him from harassing me

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 09/10/2019 17:21

Hide your phone in your bra or your pants or better still buy a cheap new one for your life going forward (one that he won't be able to harass you on because he won't know the number).

If he kicks off and he still takes your phone, just leave the house, walk to a neighbours and ask them to ring the police. He has taken your property and is refusing to leave the home.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 09/10/2019 17:23

Change the locks after he's left for work? Then tell him by text you don't want him back but will drop of his belongings at a friends house.

Does he have somewhere else to go OP?

DonKeyshot · 09/10/2019 21:36

The national Women's Aid number is vastly oversubscribed and it could take you a very long time to get through.

Click on this link www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and scroll down to find your local service.

In addition, google your local council to see if they operate a domestic abuse unit or similar. Alternatively, call 101 and ask to speak to a worker in your regional police authority's domestic abuse unit.

As you are not married and as he's not named on your tenancy agreement, you can ask him to leave at any time and if you call the police they will remove him from your premises,

However, speak to a da worker and seek advice on obtaining an occupation order which the police can use to compel him to leave your home and a non-molestation order which will prohibit him from coming within a set distance of you/your home.

If you think it's likely that he may play silly buggers fail to return the dc from any contact he has with them you may also need a residence order which will enable the police to bring the dc back to you.

Please don't delay; life is far too short to waste of any of it in an unhappy or abusive relationship,

DonKeyshot · 09/10/2019 21:43

It's not that simple he wouldn't just allow me to call them he will take my phone for certain

Speak to the police about registering and red-flagging your number. If you are able to at least press whatever it takes to call 999 on your phone before he takes it from you/breaks it, the police can respond to your call and will do so as a matter of urgency.

Alternatively, try to lock yourself in the bathroom and phone or call for help from the window.

Carrie7899 · 09/10/2019 21:46

Best of luck OP. Tell him in a public place where there are other people around

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