Separation - dating / classed adultery

[Jane1978xx]

I have a question and I can’t get an answer. So my husband moved out to his own place (complex but generally ammicable). He’s off the bills and electoral role here so does not ‘live’ here. we started the mediation process last week. We have no legal separation document. At this stage is seeing (sex) with someone else classed as adultery that could be cited in a divorce ? I am talking about me here. I know even if you verbally split but live under the same roof then it is cheating. Please don’t judge me we have been living separate lives under the same roof for a number of years

Yes.

Not judging FWIW, but legally it is considered adultery. But tbh it doesn’t really matter because even if he puts that on the divorce petition no-one gets to see it, so if it speeds up the process then I wouldn’t argue the toss really iyswim

I’ve been on the Other side of this. I was seeing a married yet separated man for six months and he made me a complete secret because he told me his wife would get him done for adultery if we were caught.

As far as I know, adultery cannot be used as grounds for divorce if you have lived together as a couple for six months after the infidelity was known about.

So it would be hard for your ex to use adultery as the breakdown of marriage when he is no longer living with you and you have been living separate lives for a number of years. Are you concerned he will use adultery against you?

Either way I would consult a solicitor.

Thanks everyone. I complicated as I am the higher earner and have a lot of savings so he would be looking for the max amount he can from me. And yes I think he would potentially use it for more money. I had thought it was ok once you were separated to different home and your finances separated (bar house is in both names). I will have to have some careful consideration.

I haven’t actually done anything at this point. But I’ve had an ‘offer’ shall we say. This was all after he was gone and moved into his new house.

I believe that the grounds for divorce don't actually make any difference to the financial settlement. Obviously you should talk to an actual divorce lawyer though - but it sounds like you should probably do that anyway, if you haven't/

Yes I need to it’s all so confusing

Can’t you get a deed of separation? Speak to a solicitor. Oh and enjoy your new found sex life. Good on you for getting your life back after a split

If you are in the U.K. then divorce is not based on fault - so technically it makes no difference. Emotionally, it could possibly be used as ammunition in an unpleasant divorce, and you or your spouse may have feelings about it which could make a settlement negotiation more contentious - but I don't think there is any legal basis for infidelity to feature in a settlement negotiation.

Perhaps as a safety net, you can write him an email saying that you are confirming that as you are separated now etc, you consider him and you free to date.....

Just to say I am not a lawyer, just my understanding.

Technically it counts as adultery, yes.

Reasons for divorce have NOTHING to do with financial settlement in the UK! It may make a difference in the USA, but here means fuck all to the financial settlement. It might cause issues with stbx becoming difficult and requesting more, but he won't be awarded it on those terms.

Unless you think you want to work on getting back together - the grounds for divorce have no bearing on sharing of assets in the UK.
He won’t get a higher share that he is entitled to. 50% is the starting point

@Jane1978xx Not sure what your Q is but there is no 'blame' attached to divorce.

Your assets will be divided fairly regardless of the reason for divorce.

Your DH will get his fair settlement regardless of whether he divorces you for adultery or you live apart for 2 years.

There are 3 main ways to file for divorce

1 Adultery ( the 'innocent' spouse files usually.)

2 Unreasonable behaviour (this has to have been within 6 months of filing- anything before that doesn't count and the UB has to be recorded.)

3 Two years' separation living separately OR in the same house but with separate bedrooms, not sharing meals, laundry or any usual household stuff.

Presumably you both intend to divorce anyway as you are apart?
What ground are you both proposing and who is going to start proceedings?

And yes, it could be classed as adultery as long as you are still married. Living apart doesn't exclude that. But it's not relevant- your DH won't get more of your money if he divorces you for adultery.

There is plenty online about this but it sounds as if you need to get real legal advice and get the ball moving anyway if you want to meet other men and start a new life as a single woman.

And yes I think he would potentially use it for more money

.
He can't. The law doesn't work like that.

You both need to wise up on divorce laws.

Yes it's classed as adultery. No it doesn't mean he'll get a better financial settlement. The grounds for divorce have zero bearings on the financial settlement.

I'm going through this now. I'm dating whilst getting divorced and whilst I know it's adultery, I don't care (we are divorcing for unreasonable behaviour anyway) and it makes no difference to my settlement.

Yes, it is classed as adultery, and me and my ex-husband used my adultery as the grounds for our divorce, even though I didn't begin seeing the 'other man' til after he had moved out. It was quicker than a 2 year separation.

Thanks everyone for the info. I have a lot of reading up to do