Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can someone help me prepare for tonight?

6 replies

Zaza6375 · 09/10/2019 13:05

Hello. I have posted frequently before with regard to the state of my once happy marriage. 3 daughters one with autism. Married 26yrs. Businesses together.
Our marriage broke down in March of this year when I realised that I wasn’t living my life.
So much hurt has happened. If you have a couple of mins read previous long winded posts.
I am continually told that I am a control freak, controlling over and over again. I cannot go on.
I found in March we have large debts. I run a small beauty business from my garden and I’m continuing to do well building it around my kids.
There is no love here..he does not love me. In fact I think he hates me.
Things reached fever point last night when I noticed a large delivery of gym equipment had turned up.
I questioned it..he said it was none of my business. I said there are things that needs doing around the house that we should be spending money on.
He went beserk. I did deserve it. He shouted in my face repeatedly that im a C**T my children heard (they had run upstairs) and I slapped him on the face to stop him.
He then said very loudly ‘you’ve just physically assaulted me, well done’
I’m so ashamed. My middle daughter phoned my cousin and she came and collected all three girls and kindly took them to her house.
I can’t do this to them anymore.
I have asked him to go out with me for a drink tonight (in a public place). We need to have a conversation to work out how we separate.
He will not leave the house, he has told me on more than one occasion that he is going to make it unbearable for me to stay here. He will not discuss the future just that he is not losing his house.
The house is his pride and joy do I’m going to suggest that I move out with the girls for a while. I want to ask him to help contribute towards a rent.
I cannot cope with this any longer. My eldest daughter adores and protects him the whole time. She’s s good girl but he never helps discipline the girls ever. Do the eldest knows she can get away with anything. They both said I had joined a cult the other day as I’m so strict.
I just need some help please. I cannot bate to hear how controlling and bullying I am yet again tonight. How can I answer back?
I feel like the vilest most awful controlling person in the world.
I just need some advice on how to word my leaving to him. Asking him to contribute to the rent and how can I deal with being told I’m controlling bully over and over.
I just feel sick but it’s got to be done.
Also we had an assessment at Relate but long waiting list and I got the impression that the counsellor thought we were wasting our time.
And breathe......

OP posts:
Zaza6375 · 09/10/2019 13:08

Also I hate to ask but who do I ask how to get financial help towards rent? Benefits etc.

OP posts:
runoutofnamechanges · 09/10/2019 13:55

How old are your DDs?

TBH I wouldn't be discussing or agreeing anything without taking legal advice. From what you have said, this is a toxic environment for your DDs and you need to leave but it would be even more toxic to leave them with their father. It sounds like he has already started trying to turn your eldest against you, how are you going to make sure they choose to leave with you? How are you going to run your business/support yourself if he won't let you work from the garden any more?

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? www.womensaid.org.uk/ They can help you to leave safely. CAB can help advise on benefits. You can check what you might get here: www.stepchange.org/how-we-help/benefits-calculator.aspx

quincejamplease · 09/10/2019 13:59

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Zaza6375 · 09/10/2019 14:11

@runoutofnamechanges hello and thank you. They are 15, 12 and 5 (additional needs)
The youngest two would happily come with me, in fact the 12 year old wants to go.
I’m going to attempt to ask him to have access to my room in the garden otherwise I cannot support the girls. The 15yr old is torn she feels very dirty for him as he had a bad childhood...he also has broken his ankle so she wants to help him as much as possible.
Toxic is exactly what it is

OP posts:
Zaza6375 · 09/10/2019 14:12

*sorry not dirty!

OP posts:
Zaza6375 · 09/10/2019 14:15

Thanks @quincejamplease I will take a look at this tonight

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page