Am I wanting too much?

[dustbuster17]

I just wanted some opinions as I don't know if I'm just being all diva-ish and expecting too much or if anyone can make any suggestions as to what I can do to change the way I feel.
I'm fed up. Been with my partner for a couple of years now. I have kids from previous relationship, he doesn't have kids. Relationship with kids Dad is good and so we get plenty of child-free time together.
I will say, he is FANTASTIC with my children. He adores them, puts them first and treats them as his own, I cannot fault him with them. In fact, as a couple, we are great too - we laugh a lot together, talk openly, tons of affection/ love, good sex life (although 90% of the time initiated by me)

My issue is when we first got together he planned lovely dates, took me out and just generally made an effort to make me feel special. Over the last year or so this has stopped and now I feel like the only one who ever puts any effort into 'us'
I feel a bit unnappreciated I guess. I try to keep the spontaneity, I book things for us to do together, I've planned weekends away, surprised him with tickets for his favourite band and more and we always have a fantastic time doing these things together, but while he occasionally picks up a bunch of supermarket flowers for me on his way back from work, I just feel like I'm the one putting all the effort in.

I try to keep things exciting in the bedroom too, I'll sometimes be waiting in something sexy for when he gets back from work, again he loves it & we have a great time but I really miss the guy who'd text me a time to be ready and take me out somewhere I'd never been before or who'd step through the door and couldn't keep his hands off me. Now, if I don't initiate it, then we tend to just cuddle up and fall asleep!

Am I being a selfish diva who should just get over herself? Is this just the norm?

Bump

I don't think you are being a diva at all. I think these things do die down over time. Have you explained to him how you feel? maybe he doesn't realise and a chat about things could help.

Thanks for replying. I've hinted (jokingly said things like 'remember when you used to plan lovely dates? Wink wink') but not had a proper serious talk about it. We have talked about the initiating sex thing and he had a few nights when he did but recently it's gone back to me again and I have a feeling that if I do talk to him, the same will end up happening but I guess all I can do is try right? perhaps I'm just too demanding 😂

You are not too demanding.
He needs to put effort in as well.
It can't all be down to you.
I think you need to sit him down and tell him exactly what you have told us.
You will start to resent him soon enough if he doesn't step up.
Time to tell him!

Have you tried just doing nothing for a while, not organising anything, dressing up, making plans? I am wondering if he has got a bit lazy and as you seem to be the one organising everything he is just letting you get on with it. It might be uncomfortable at first for you to sit on your hands and do nothing but it might give him the space to realise that he needs to make an effort for you. Also men need to be told, hinting just confuses them. Just be direct and straight with what you want. Men respond to direct orders as it were. Other than that you have, what I would call a relationship that has settled. He is showing you who he really is now and it’s up to you if it’s enough.

Thank you. I feel slightly better knowing that I'm not being ridiculous with how I feel.
I don't want to break up over it, we do have a really lovely relationship generally, I'd just like the effort to be a more even split .... or I'd even take, just once in a while, him surprising me with something.
It was our anniversary a few months ago and I purposely planned nothing. He'd mentioned it in passing in the weeks running up to it so I knew he knew the date and I thought I'd leave it to see if he planned anything. I did get a cute card and some flowers which were lovely then he went to work.... I messaged him asking if I needed to be ready for anything that evening as we were child free and his reply was along the the lines of 'oh I didn't think we were doing anything because you'd not mentioned anything' so I probably do need to just be straight and speak to him as clearly he's got lazy and used to me taking the lead!

Definitely stop putting in the extra effort, follow his lead. See what happens.

Just speak to him