Not sure what to do...

[unsureonrelationship1234]

Hi, i have used mumsnet for ages when it comes to advice but this is my first post.

I have been with my partner for 8 years since we were 15, he is the only person I have ever been with and I am the only person he has ever been with (feel like this might be relevant to mention).

Lately I have just been feeling really unsure on the relationship, I sometimes feel worried that I have missed out if that makes sense.. But it's also weird because when I think about the future and having kids I even now always see it being with him, but then I've never really known anyone else so not sure if this is why.

I love him so much and the thought of hurting him makes me so upset, he gets along with my family really well and i think this might be another reason why I don't know what to do. But our sex life is not great, he probably thinks it is but I don't really enjoy it at all, we have sex a few times a week but I literally never finish, he usually has to help out after, which is great that he does but I just wonder is this the best it's ever going to get? Again, I wouldn't know because he's the only person I've ever been with.

I just need some advice from strangers on what they think in this situation, I don't really feel like I could talk to my family about it because they all love him so much. He treats me so well and would do anything for me, I just have this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that what if there is better? I feel selfish for saying that as he really is great. And like I say, it's weird because even though I have this feeling, every time I think of the future and getting married/having kids I can't imagine that not being with him!

Sorry if I'm rambling or don't really make much sense! Hopefully you all get where I'm coming from and can give me some good advice! Thank you

Not sure. It sounds like you may have outgrown your first relationship.

I settled down young and married my first boyfriend even though I had doubts. We are now divorcing, and whilst I don't regret it because I have my DCs, my life would have been very different had I listened to my gut back then. At the time I didn't like the thought of hurting him either. He's been massively hurt by the divorce though so never avoided that anyway.

@NewMe2019 what was your reason for leaving him?? I just feel like he would be heartbroken, and so would I to be honest. The thought of leaving him makes me nervous

Anyone else???

The nerves are probably because you are walking into the unknown. Part of that is what kept me there.

My reason was the relationship had run it's course. Which was more than true. I'd been unhappy for a long time and he was constantly grumpy and moody.

After reflecting I also think he was after a mother figure (that's what I became) and it's bloody unattractive and made me resentful.

@NewMe2019 thank you. the only reason i struggle to decide what i want to do is because even though i feel like this, i cant imagine getting married and having kids with anyone else

It's a tough one, I think your doubts are quite common when you've been in a relationship from a young age like you have. The fact is, only you can make the decision. Is there anyone you can talk to in real life about this?

I met my husband when I was 15 and he was 16. I'm 33 now and we have 2 lovely children. I won't lie though, marriage is bloody hard at times, we've gone through some very tough times recently - and that was without having doubts about getting married!

Of course I sometimes wonder what/who else is out there and how my life might have turned out if we'd not stayed together, and I don't doubt that my husband wonders too. But I know in my head I don't want that, I love him and love our family and our life together.

If this feeling doesn't go away and you really can't decide then you're going to need to be honest with him and maybe suggest a break/some time apart. Of course with that, you do run the risk that you'll realise you want to be with him after all, but he may decide he doesn't want to be with you after all. But that's the risk you'll have to take because you absolutely cannot just keep him as a back up option, it's not fair.

With regards to the sex thing, do you mean that you don't orgasm during actual sex but he does make you orgasm another way? Because it's quite common, a lot of women can't come from penetrative sex alone. I sometimes can, sometimes can't, but when I can't my husband sorts me out another way so I'm happy with that! Obviously I'm not telling you how to feel, if you're not happy with sex then you're entitled to feel that way, just thought I'd give another viewpoint. I hope it all works out.