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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To ask how do couples read a book together

100 replies

chocowoko · 08/10/2019 22:58

Is it to read one book together or to read together but different books?

Sorry for being a bit clueless but therapist asked us to read a book together as a couple exercise. Anyone ever did that or know how two people can read one book together? Or any tips for this exercise?

Thanks

OP posts:
Unshriven · 09/10/2019 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Blue7 · 09/10/2019 10:40

I'm going to ask DH to do it tonight, just to see the look on his face.

I've never heard of couples doing this.

Dollywilde · 09/10/2019 10:44

Reading out loud sounds bonkers, but we’re away on holiday at the moment and DH forgot to bring books Hmm so he’s read a couple of mine. We don’t usually share but it’s really lovely to sit in the evenings and chat about the plots and the characters. He’s pissed me off though by guessing the twist to one of them long before I clocked it Grin

NotTonightJosepheen · 09/10/2019 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EBearhug · 09/10/2019 11:01

Has the therapist suggested a particular book on relationships that they think you should read together and discuss? Or just to pick a fiction book of your choice to read together, because that will be an intimate experience to bring you closer?

I would love to be read to, but it needs to be someone who is good at it, by which I mean you could imagine them reading on Radio 4 (and I wouldn't choose everyone who actually gets recorded to read on R4...)

Hearing someone read to me when they're not good is just painful. I go to a language class and we're reading a book together. We each do a paragraph and then translate it. Though we're not beginners, obviously it's not going to be perfect - we all come across words we don't know and struggle to pronounce, but that aside, it amazes me just how bad some people are at reading aloud, monotonous and stilted. I would not volunteer to read aloud with someone like that. OTOH, there's one woman who I would probably enjoy hearing if she were reading out the phone book.

If it's with someone who's not great at reading aloud, I'd rather read separately, then discuss. Otherwise, I would just end up feeling tense and annoyed.

Original poster
chocowoko · 09/10/2019 14:27

Thanks @NearlyGranny, @OldAndWornOut and others offering helpful suggestions.

To those who want to divorce/ throttle their partners, I didn’t ask your opinion.

My question was obviously targeted to those who read together with their partners.

Great you enjoy reading by yourself and hate your husband’s voice. I am not asking for advice on how to enjoy a book.

I did not make this thread for you to make judgements. I don’t understand the need to say ‘I have seen it all on mumsnet’ or ‘shudder’ or post faceplam emojis. It’s a bit mean spirited.

Thanks a lot to others posters Smile I will look for board game or a book matching our taste. We do have common interests, like history, politics, art, travel, food, animals etc Smile

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 09/10/2019 15:35

I’ve been mocked on here in the past for reading aloud and being read to. Don’t understand why it’s worse than an audio book or nodding off to the radio but each time to their own. DH has a lovely voice, I prefer it to anyone else’s. We’ve been reading a daft book about fails, nothing like a proper chuckle together before sleep. When DD fed a lot at night DH would read to me before he nodded off and it was a lovely peaceful time.

Books with bite sized chunks rather than a novel work well if the read to person is likely to nod off. People can take the piss as much as they like but we both read to the children and enjoy reading and listening so it’s no weirder doing it as adults. No one says reading to a child is odd.

I hope you find something you both enjoy and it’s a positive step for you.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/10/2019 15:47

DH and I have one kindle library and two devices so we frequently are reading the same book. It's nice and we quite often have some book related chat.

IrmaFayLear · 09/10/2019 15:57

Sorry, I can't help being judgy! Ha ha ha ha! It's not that some of us have bad marriages, just dhs who do not have the gift of reading aloud. Dh coughs and inserts random "erms" in sentences when reading something out. I can only imagine the pain if I had to sit through anything longer than two paragraphs.

There was actually a piece in The Spectator this week about audio books, and how one can be ruined if the reader does not truly understand the subject matter (putting the intonation in the wrong places) or if they do not have a great expressive voice.

Reading the same book, however, and then discussing it, is another matter and dh and I sometimes do that (except he does go on ...). Perhaps we do need couples therapy!

Sooverthemill · 09/10/2019 16:10

@chocowoko tbh you may have misunderstood the whole point of AIBU. We aren't mocking you or making judgements about you but you did ask our opinion and we gave it to you! I still don't know if you were supposed to read ten same book, a different book, be in the same place, if it was a specific book etc etc. All of which is interesting and you did ask the question.

AryaStarkWolf · 09/10/2019 16:13

Only way I could do this is the two copies/book club sort of deal, anything else is just really cringey and weird

bellinisurge · 09/10/2019 16:16

We have a family account on kindle and occasionally read a book another has bought on it. But we have very different tastes in books. It would be more likely to highlight the differences in outlook , to be honest . As well as become a chore.
Laughing together at a TV show or enjoying a film together is more bonding.

FenellaVelour · 09/10/2019 16:20

I once read some erotica out loud to an ex, as I found it hilariously awful.

For a short time afterwards he was not an ex.

That backfired a little 😬

I read some of the same books as my husband, but not at the same time.

GothMummy · 09/10/2019 16:25

If you have similar reading tastes maybe it could work in a book club discussion style? Some books have suggested questions for book clubs at the end of them. It would not work for us as we have very little common ground but I hope it works for you, OP, and anything is worth a try surely if you are working on a relationship? I would actually love someone in real life I could discuss books with, not just the anonymous people on Good Reads forum.

TatianaLarina · 09/10/2019 16:28

Two copies one book.

Not accents and hats and false moustaches.

LonginesPrime · 09/10/2019 17:26

I did not make this thread for you to make judgements

Then yes, YABU to ask on the AIBU board.

IrmaFayLear · 09/10/2019 17:41

If the OP gets a bit, er, ruffled , by a bit of joshing on AIBU then reading a book simultaneously ain't going to go that well! Can you imagine, "Oi, move the book over here!!" "You're bending the spine." "I haven't finished that page yet." And - the ultimate insult: "You're skim reading , I know you are!"

BeerandBiscuits · 09/10/2019 17:46

OP have you read AIBU before?
Posters have been positively friendly and encouraging compared to what usually goes on here Shock.
Not the best place to post with a reasonable question "for the traffic".

Original poster
chocowoko · 09/10/2019 20:37

@BeerandBiscuits, some posters were friendly but then page 2 and 3 is full of negative post. It completely derails from the point of thread and it's hard to find good response from these unhelpful ones.

I needed advice, this thread was not for entertainment. I did mention seeking therapy, it's obvious that I was not here for banter.

Also, my therapist did NOT suggest reading aloud, which many posters assumed and responded and than others reading than made the whole thread about reading out aloud.

Therapist suggested to read a book together, maybe meant to read same time and have conversation about it. Not sure, I posted to clarify with couples who do that.

Jesus.

I think that kind of therapy would drive me to divorce.

@Unshriven This is very irresponsible way to respond when this poster know nothing of my issues and also about therapist I am seeing. But you had the urge to comment on quality of therapy. If I was not so confident about my therapist, this would have put doubts in my mind about therapy.

@IrmaFayLear, you don't know me, so basing your strong opinion and predicting how I would respond to book exercise is you just bullying behind your computer. I don't know why you got so offended by my post that you felt the need to describe how would respond to reading exercise. I am sure, you won't do that in real life.

I have no problem with a bit of joshing but sad bit is that people like can't see that useful messages got buried in your joshing messages. I am guessing what you wrote is from your experience.

If the OP gets a bit, er, ruffled , by a bit of joshing on AIBU then reading a book simultaneously ain't going to go that well! Can you imagine, "Oi, move the book over here!!" "You're bending the spine." "I haven't finished that page yet." And - the ultimate insult: "You're skim reading , I know you are!"

OP posts:
EstebanTheMagnificent · 09/10/2019 20:45

OP, with nothing but kindness, I suggest that you ask MNHQ to move this thread to Relationships or to What We're Reading. I don't think AIBU was the best choice for the advice that you seek.

Original poster
chocowoko · 09/10/2019 20:50

Thanks @EstebanTheMagnificent. I will do that.

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 09/10/2019 20:55

OP, I was one of those who talked about reading aloud, because that’s how DH and I read the same book.

I’m sorry the thread’s been unhelpful.

I’ve had therapy, and I’d recommend taking the therapist’s suggestions seriously and doing the exercises wholeheartedly.

And I’ve known therapy work wonders for some couples. Hope is does for you Flowers

grannycake · 09/10/2019 20:55

I love reading as does my DH but I can't imagine reading out loud to each other. Book are personal experiences which can transport the reader to another place, another time. That won't happen if you have to read it aloud. Though I did use to cry reading Dogger to my DC

I don't like book clubs either - they seem to suck the joy out of reading for me

IrmaFayLear · 10/10/2019 09:14

These are fair points, OP, if you had posted in a more appropriate section, such as - as a pp suggested - relationships. As it is, you posted in AIBU and people had the temerity to reply!

No one has been unkind. A bit of a joke and no one has made any personal insults makes the world a brighter place - for me, anyway. The only one who has been slightly, er, belligerent is the OP.

LonginesPrime · 10/10/2019 09:42

OP, I think you've revealed far more than you intended to about yourself (and why your therapist set you this task) on this topic and people have been very restrained in staying on topic and not pointing out what they can see that you clearly can't.

The whole point of the reading task was to chill the fuck out, and your reaction to that was to go and research all you could about how to chill the fuck out correctly, and then to pull others up on not responding to you in the exact way you wanted.

You can't control everything and not everything you do has to be perfect. so try to chill the fuck out.