How to tell children their parents are separating

[TwoHoots74]

My partner and I are at the point of separation. We have one child a nearly 14 year old boy.

How do you break the news to them. There's been no arguments as he's never here. Do you both sit down and say it together?

The house will have to be sold and us all move. Me into rented and his dad. I'm so scared but know I'll be happier long term.

You know your own child best, but sitting down together (3 of you) to explain that you two are unhappy and so you are separating is a good place to start.

You have to explain that living with happy parents will be better for your son in the long run, even though it seems strange now.

Try to highlight all the things that are important to your son that won't change (like your love, maybe school, clubs, friends?)

Good luck and lots of happiness

We both sat the DCs down and explanied that we were splitting up as we weren't happy. I did all the talking. It was awful and they were devastated but they did adapt fairly quickly. It's the hardest thing but best to get it done and try to keep your own emotions out of it. I found DCs struggled a lot more when they saw ex upset.

It's so difficult to know what to say. There is going to be change with moving house etc but school, friends and activities can remain the same.

Did you inform school incase there was a change in your child's behaviour?

We sat our children down together and explained that there are different kinds of love. That mum and dad loved them both forever, because they are our children and that's how you love your children, but that grown ups sometimes decide that they don't love each other or make each other happy any more, and that's what mum and dad felt about each other. We explained that we'd still be a family, but we'd be a different kind of family.

Then we explained what was going to happen i.e. that the children and I would stay in the house for the time being, and that dad would move out to somewhere new, and that they'd have a new bedroom in dads house so that they could stay with him. There were a few tears, but we were quite open to talking about things with them which I think helped. It wasn't even half as bad as I'd expected.

I actually pre-warned the kids schools (one primary age, one in high school) before we told the kids, so that they would be prepared for any upset.

We did this just last weekend. I was dreading it but the kids took it surprisingly well. Ours are a lot younger than your son though but we did what @TheWaspsAreEverywhere did - sat down with them and spoke very matter of fact that we were still a team but that mummy and daddy will live separately. We tried to focus on the positives - 2 bedrooms, 2 holidays, 2 Christmases etc. We also told the school in advance plus parents of their best friends just in case. It’s really sad but when you know that you’ll be happier out of the marriage than in it then you know you’re doing the right thing. Two of my friends are the other side of this and they’re doing brilliantly. Their relationships with their exes are better and their children get the best from their parents. I am really hoping that me and my (at some point ex) husband can be friends. Good luck. I felt a sense of relief afterwards. We chose a weekend morning so that we would around to reassure and answer any questions together to try to show the children that we are still united as parents, just not as husband and wife xx

I think it depends on the situation. If you can both do it calmly, with a united front and without sniping at each other, then I'd do it together. My kids were younger and I agreed with my ex that I would tell them. It was my idea to split and he didn't want to be the one to tell them. I told them when we had just got in the car right before I took them to visit our new rented house we would be moving to. They were 4 and 6. The 6yo said 'oh no', the 4yo didn't react and the new house took their mind off things. My 6yo is now 11 and she doesn't even remember when I told her, so it can't have been that traumatic!