Imposing yourself on people

[Floopily]

I see so many posts on here about people (mainly but not always family members) who insist on spending time with other people despite those people clearly not being keen (oh god, X has invited themselves to stay again / insisted I go to their birthday lunch, they drive me nuts, hope they leave early on Sunday etc etc)

I'd like to think I can pick up the vibes if someone doesn't really like me or isn't enjoying my company / doesn't want me around for whatever reason even if they do like me, and take my leave accordingly. Aren't most people reasonably emotionally attuned to this kind of stuff?

I guess my question is are some people really that oblivious that their company is not desired (either in general or on specific occasions)? Would it not be a clue that you always have to invite yourself to stay rather than be invited? That if someone makes an excuse not to have lunch with you 5 times in a row they probably are not actually interested in seeing you?Wouldn't you rather spend time by yourself rather than with someone who clearly doesn't want you in their home but feels like they have no choice for whatever reason?

Or do you think people do know that they're not really welcome but don't care because they are getting something out of it (free holiday / food /company is better than being alone etc).

I am genuinely quite intrigued by this!

Some people don't get it at all. Imposing their kids too. Like if I wanted to see their kids I'd ask. They should get the hint,

You can pick up the vibes if people don’t want you around; I know this because you are mindful that this is a possibility. However, some people just DON’T CARE and pursue their own agenda... must be lovely to be oblivious (NOT!)

Sometimes the person inviting has a hidden agenda, when that doesn't pan out your presence is unwanted

Yes people know when they feel unwelcome some dont care others try to be polite by leaving soon after becoming known. List goes on but strange folk around at times

I think some people try to do it to maintain appearances ..in a family situation...Like my inlaws for example.they say oh we never see you,you never ring us,you never visit us,we love you so much,but in effect they don;t give us a second thought,they don;t ring us,they dont want us when we drive 200 miles to see them,they can;t even turn the tv off and make us a cup of tea so they get back what they choose to give.It is very strange to me that they are so unwelcoming yet protest so much when we know they don;t care less about us! The only time they do want us is when a job needs doing or they want their christmas presents!

even then we feel we are imposing when its really us breaking our necks to try to keep the extended family together..its so odd.

I had a boyfriend who used to do this. Say we'd been invited to places to stay then when I got there I could tell he'd pushed the invite. He was also an abusive arsehole, so I think his social manners were as rail roading as his emotional manners.