I don't know how to leave my husband

[willowhispers]

Really unhappy in my marriage to H and have been for years. I've wanted to leave for a long time but I just don't know how. Sorry, I know that might sound stupid.

I'm not from the area we live in (he is) so no family here I could go to. DM lives 3hrs away and I could probably go there but our relationship is strained and I'd also most likely lose my job.

We barely scrape by money wise every month so I can't afford to get a place of my own locally. Just couldn't afford it. Our finances are so entwined that I wouldn't know where to begin.

I don't even know what the first steps are to split up.

He has his parents very near by but won't move out to stay with them. Even if he did I'd then be left in the house with the children and pets which due to very poor mental health I would massively struggle with.

so please help! where do I start?

You would be entitled to some benefits if you have children. Are you a high wage earner?

Speak to citizens advice or do a calculation on entitledto website to see if that makes anything any clearer for you. Good luck x

Start with citizen's advice. Get your free half hour with solicitor.

You woul get by financially- you may be entitled to help with housing costs, so you can afford rent once you're set up. As they others say, finding out what you're entitled to while give you more confidence that you can do it.

As to your mentalhealth, as someone with lifelong mental health problems I can understand how that must feel. Get the support in place- medication, therapy etc. Monitor your condition and if you feel you're not doing well, contact professionals so you can nip it in he bud. If you do that, you will be ok, I promise you. xxx

I wish we could go back and fix typos lol

Thank you all. I didn't even think about benefits as I've never been entitled to anything before. My wage is £36k so I shall check

I'll book in to citizens advice and I need to sort out finances regardless so I'll start budgeting better.

There's no way H will leave the house so it will have to be me that goes

It’s not up to him whether he leaves the house or not. In a divorce, the assets are split.
Go see a solicitor.
And we’re here to support you.

Is there a reason why you can't sit down with your husband and talk to him about this?

Honestly on £36k skip Citizens Advice. They likely won't be able to help much and it's not free legal divorce advise and the only means-tested benefit you're likely to qualify for on that income is Child Benefit (perhaps some assistance with childcare if your kids are young enough, but likely not much if anything so benefits are not your first port of call). I'd find a solicitor. It's not a question of 'he won't move out' the house is a marital asset and you owe it to your kids to get a fair split/settlement for them, too, and their future, leaving with nothing is really not a good financial decision for you or your children.

how old are your children?

they are 5 and 8.

I've tried to talk to him but he tends to angry and start bringing up all my faults. He can't accept that I just don't want to be together any more