Can't deal with DH's presence due to depression

[Futaridoushi]

I'm suffering from a relapse in what is quite severe depression. My condition kept me off work for months early in the year, and I currently feel like I'm at work, but haven't done anything in weeks (I WFH). DH works and I actually dread him coming home. I want to interact with him as little as possible and keep pushing him away, and I know it is really hurting him. I just don't know how to survive the current situation.

DH wants to talk about stuff and keeps saying things like "you are the best thing that's ever happened to me" or "you're amazing, I love you so much", and I really can't stand it. His "I'm here for you if you want to talk" and caresses are just making me feel awful, even though I feel terribly lonely all the time.

I don't know how to make this period easier for the both of us, but currently we barely interact, as I basically lie in bed and go to sleep and he plays games. I've tried pills, they just make me feel suicidal. I've tried getting therapy, which either hasn't helped or hasn't "fit my symptoms" and the NHS just isn't offering any support. I'm getting really tired of it all and I feel I'll either push DH into an affair or risk divorce. I guess I'm just looking for other couples who have gone through or are going through this and how they cope(d), as I'm honestly not sure how long I can still do this as a couple.

Anyone?

As hard as it is when the fog of depression is around- don't rule out all the options that could help you get better.

Maybe you need some time off to explore different medications and therapy options? There are lots and lots of antidepressants and it's a bit of a waiting game to find one that works for you. Perhaps you can't get CBT straight away but push for an assessment of needs at the GP.

Do you have a the money for private counselling? I can cost as 'little' as £15/hr (I always thought it would be in the 100s.

Take care and good luck

How long have you tried therepy for? it sometimes needs to be long term, my partner went once a week for 2 years and now once a month to keep on top of it.

Same with pills - have you tried multiple different types? again took maybe the 5th attempt before we found one that worked.

Have you explained to him how you are feeling and your need for him to back off for a bit?
then again are you meeting him halfway -are you spending ANY quality time together out of the house so that he does get a chance to see you and still get something out of the relationship so that he is able to back off for the rest of the week and you are taking steps to be put and about to help pull you out of the hole. even if it's going for walks together.

Am I right in thinking that you’ve stopped trying to treat/improve your depression now? As you say therapy hasn’t helped, meds haven’t, and the NHS isn’t helping. What sort of help have you sought from the NHS and what was offered? Is that where you were given therapy?

It’ll be very difficult to get through this with your relationship intact if you’re unwilling to continue making the effort to tackle the depression, I think. I’ve been the depressed partner and the partner of someone with depression and both are awful. There’s a real risk you will push your DH away and when you come out the other side your marriage will be over and you’ll regret it.

As a partner you have a responsibility I think to work to improve health issues that are affecting your marriage and the other person, I think your DH needs to see that you are actually trying, if you’re just pushing him away and accepting that this is the way things are then that’s a bad combination.

Hopefully you can clarify, maybe I’ve got it wrong and you are still pursuing treatment options. It’d help if you can say a bit more about what type of therapy you had, when it was and for how long, and why you feel it was unsuccessful.

I hope you got good advice with the pills - if they were SSRIs, were you told that they can indeed make you worse (suicidal) after about 2 weeks, and it's only after that that they start to have an effect?
If not, could you find a better doctor?

Your husband will be primarily worried about you. This shows in his affirmations and language. He clearly has patience and love for you.

Like other people in his position he will support you but it will be really important to him that you continue to get medical treatment and supervision. It’s maybe time to see your GP and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist who will have a better understanding of medicines and your condition.