Give me hope

[upups]

I'm just getting out of a toxic and abusive relationship. We are currently in the middle of a court case and I am waiting to hear what he pleads. It's killing me, I'm so scared of having to be a witness in court and have no idea what this all means for our 1 year old.

I feel like my life is over. I know this is a naive comment, I'm so young and there's no real reason I won't find love I just can't help feeling this way. I can't imagine being over my ex, it honestly feels like I've just come off of drugs. All the same withdrawal symptoms. I can't eat or sleep, I'm constantly shaking and feeling sick and I just want to cry all the time.

Please give me some hope. What were your experiences of getting out of a toxic relationship or meeting someone new?

You can and will get through this. It's still early days. Get the court case out of the way, then start rebuilding your life. Find a hobby you can do where you meet new people and make new friends. It will take time but when you are emotionally available again you will feel ready to start dating.

Have you been to your GP? You sound like you need support to get through the current difficulties.

OP, please don’t rush into a new relationship. There is a danger you will simply repeat your pattern and seek another abuser. And these predators are skilled in recognising vulnerable women to get their claws into.
Please have some counselling first, and give yourself plenty of time to recover from the abuse and explore your own wants and needs before you take on someone else’s.
There is usually a period of panic after escaping an abusive partner - your self esteem has probably been ground down by him, and you wonder how you will cope on your own.
Take time to let your confidence grow, praise yourself for each small bit of independence reclaimed, practice making decisions for yourself, revel in your freedom. Don’t even think of “finding love again” until you learn to love yourself and are happy on your own. At that point, you will no longer be a vulnerable potential victim, and you can confidently seek a decent man as your future partner.

Thank you this is all great advice. I am hoping to start the freedom protect in January and maybe get some counselling too. I'm thinking that maybe a trip to the doctors might need to be booked for next week tho

Oh OP, I know exactly how you feel. And you will. Honestly. Two years ago I had the break up that seemingly defines my life - and he just couldn’t have cared less, it was just another break up to him, because he was a narcissist.

And your ex might not be.

But this summer his ex contacted me, and all those awful feelings flooded back. Poor girl had been dumped by the same guy, and the strange thing is, I felt so sorry for her. And at that point I didn’t even have someone I cared about, apart from me! I cared about me, finally. And I know it sound like shite, but honestly, that’s the key. You absolutely have to learn to care for yourself. That’s when the right guys appear. Please look after yourself x

It is a bit like withdrawal.

Someone on another thread (sorry can't remember who/which thread) described how someone who has been living in an abusive situation ends up living in a permanently heightened state of stress and adrenalin they're barely aware of at the time - but once they're out of the situation, there's a physical crash. It made a lot of sense to me, and it sounds like what you're experiencing.

You will get through it, you won't always feel like this.

@category12 that really does make a lot of sense thank you! I barely even noticed it at the time but now I'm out of it and people know and ask me questions the more I realise just how abusive it really was. It's exactly like withdrawal, I feel almost obsessed with him, he is my only thought all day. It's awful