Can I ask for some friendship advice.
Several years ago I met a mum at a baby group. She was very intense, texting and visiting all the time. I was a new lonely mum so went with it and over time we did become friends.
I admit occasionally her intensity irritated, she would message several times a day, turn up at weekends etc. She was in the process of leaving her abusive ex so I tried to be supportive, listened, gave advice, looked after her baby when needed. I did feel all we talked about was her but she was going through a hard time and I was a boring mum with little interesting happening.
When our kids started school I regularly helped with school runs and after school care. This was never reciprocated.
Two years ago she got a boyfriend and dropped me. Fair enough. I was sad at first but on reflection could see I was filling a void for her as she was alone.
In February it was my birthday and I invited her for drinks with mutual friends, she stayed an hour and then left to see her boyfriend. The following month was her birthday, she went out with friends and didn't invite me. I asked to see her to give her presents and she was busy for weeks ahead so I posted them in the end.
Everytime after she has been busy when I asked to meet so I got the message and left things.
Last month she messaged me, long rambling messages about a fall out with her bloke. I gave her another chance and listened and advised. My son was in hospital with respiratory issues at the time. I mentioned this and all she commented was "aww bless him, I have his birthday present here". It was his birthday last Jan??
She has another child, it is her birthday soon and she has invited us to the party, I can't make it so she has said she will pop by so the kids can swap presents. Not sure of she is 10 months late or 3 months early!
I had no intention of getting her child a present as I haven't seen since my birthday in February, and not seen the kids for around 18 months. Now I am worried she is going to turn up at my house and it will be awkward.
The thing is, she has been sending messages of "missing my bestie" "love and miss you" blah blah blah....
But this isn't a friendship. She never makes an effort to see me, she only messages when she has a problem... I wish she would just let it go.
I don't want confrontation, but I also don't want to buy her child a present particularly (money is tight and I am irritated by the expectation after barely seeing her in the two years since she got a boyfriend, we live 10 minute drive away, I am expected to believe since Feb she hasn't had one single evening or day or a couple of hours to make time!).
How do I get her just to let the friendship fade away (I thought it had!) I don't think she is a good friend anymore, and I'm fed up of only being contacted when she needs me. I have been hurt recently and it was a wake up call that I am generally passive and a bit of a doormat and I don't want to be anymore.
So, would you message and say something? Get the present and drift away?
I really don't want to cause her upset, but being picked up and dropped is painful and I'd rather just leave it.