Free babysitter?

[Nograpes]

I don't have kids. I'm 33. My boyfriend's got no kids either. But his friends asked me out of the blue last minute to mind their kid. His wife already had my number but the husband texted me. Instead of calling me he sent a message like "I have a big favour to ask" etc.
I'm unemployed but studying. I didn't agree a price because I assumed for the 4 hours from 9 til 1pm they'd probably bring me a box of chocolates or wine or something. But no.
They didn't pay me, the mom offered for me to come back with boyfriend dinner another night to have dinner with them.
Now... They've NO money problems. And my boyfriend has known them a long time. He laughed when I came back and said they didn't pay me or offer to do so. Boyfriend laughed at this. He said I shouldn't expect payment. That I was doing them a kind favour. And that since I like their kid it shouldn't be a problem. He seems to be OK with this. I'm so unsure. I feel really stupid.
Isn't this wrong? I feel used. And he's not even listening to me or my protests.

It is crap, yes. But I think unless you said before hand - ‘absolutely I’ll look after your kids, my hourly rate is £xx’. I’m babysitting for my friend this weekend and we didn’t have this conversation and I am fully expecting to walk away empty handed, because we did not have this conversation. But the key here is then I won’t babysit again! I love kids too, and for some reason, some people think it’s a mutual favour, babysitting. Like they’re doing you a favour too, giving you the gift of some time with their kids. They’re not. But they’re the same people that come over for a dinner with you and don’t bring something with them... we all have different approaches to these things. CFs.

Surely people are more than happy to babysit a FRIEND'S child without expecting payment??
I don't have kids, but am more than happy to look after any of my friends children when if I am free. I would never in a million years accept or expect payment!!

Thank you for the responses. They're not my friends. The wife has also excluded me from several of her tea parties.

Yes they were using you. Some people are just users.

Just make sure there won't be a next time.

I don't pay friends to babysit. You either say yes I charge £x or no I can't help I'm afraid

I think unless you’d specifically discussed payment beforehand then you can’t expect it. I would always bring flowers/wine if someone had done it for me though.

Just chalk it up to experience and don’t do it again if you feel they didn’t appreciate it.

Yes, they used you. Seems you're good enough to ask to babysit but not good enough to be in their social circle. Why didn't they ask your boyfriend to babysit seeing as he is their friend? Be prepared to be asked again and be prepared to say a very simple No - no explanation needed.

It was for a Monday (yesterday). Boyfriend works on Mondays.
Thanks for the confirmation that I was used. I feel that way but my boyfriend hasn't validated my feelings because he thinks I was " enjoying doing his friends a nice favour ". And it's a horrible feeling.

The dp’s friends offered to cook dinner for you to thank you. So that’s their payment.
Perhaps they didn’t want to offend you by offering money or dp has previously discussed it with them and volunteered your services for free “if you ever need a free sitter my gf will do it, she loves kids” yada yada (Cheeky bugger if he did right enough without consulting you )

Presumably they couldn’t get anyone else and were glad you could help. In future you know the deal so it’s up to you whether you do this again.

Well you obviously didn’t enjoy it so just say you’re busy next time. No need to fall out over it.

I would just say sorry, I am busy can't do it, I have plans. I have a friend who has tried to get me to watch her little one a few times, but I always say no, as I do not want it becoming a habit. I have enough things (children, dog, pregnant etc on my plate). Of course if it was an actual emergency, like it once was, and I said yes to that one. But for any other little reason, no sorry....sort out a baby sitter etc. Otherwise, the person might continue to ask.

Of course if its the odd favour like, can you pick my dc up from school and watch them 30 mins because I am running late...then yes that is fine. I have done that several time for friends or my dc friends from school.

But you should never expect anything of course. Unless you say, sure, I charge XX an hour.

I never impose on people to watch my dc. I hire a sitter etc. But like I said there has been the occasion (like once a year) where I had a doctor appointment or stuck in traffic so was 30 mins late or an hour so asked someone to pick up my dc along w theirs (who goes to the park and our children play together anyway after school daily). Some people have the cheek though and will def take advantage.

I'd chalk this one up to experience and not do it again.

If a friend had babysat for me (no kids so it would be hard to!) I'd be grateful, offer to return the favour at some point, but wouldn't necessarily offer anything else. That being said, they aren't your friends - they're your boyfriends, so it makes the dynamic a bit different.

The fact that they contacted you when they want something but his wife didn't invite you to one of her tea parties suggests they have no desire to get to know you for you, but only when you can do something for them.

I wouldn't argue with your boyfriend over it, however I would reply 'I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me' if they ask you to babysit again... and if your boyfriend has an issue with you refusing, you can suggest that as they are his friends.... he babysits instead.

I would be more bothered by your boyfriend dismissing your feelings and I would mentally categorise him as 'not a keeper'.