Not quite sure if I’m acting like a brat or if I have a serious point here.
So me and my mum have never been particularly close. It’s only ever been on her terms and if I speak to her it’s usually because I have contacted her or gone to see her. She has recently come out as gay which myself and my siblings fully supported her during this time and have accepted her new partner into the family with open arms however it doesn’t seem to be reciprocated by my mums new partner.
As a family we will hold our kids birthday celebrations at our own homes and invite the family down. My mums partner has not attended 1 gathering and the invitation has been extended on at least 4 occasions (they’ve been together for about 12 months) My mum seems to make excuses for her partner but in reality I know her partner would rather lock herself in the house and blaze weed all day - probably a contributing factor to why she may feel like she can’t interact. Her partner will also wait in the car if my mum comes to see any of us. This is her own choice.
I’m due to have a baby in December and I feel like basically my mum could put more effort into this. I have had a hard pregnancy and had a lot of stress at the beginning which thankfully has calmed down now but when I was going through it and I would ring her for support she would usher me off the phone as she needed to order a takeaway or another reason similar. I have moved house 2 weeks ago, she hasn’t asked me how it’s gone nor has she said she will come down to have a look around or shown any interest. I text her to say I had moved and the response I got was ‘ok’. I had my baby shower on Sunday and as soon as she had finished eating she paid and left which hurt me because it felt like she just couldn’t wait to get back home to her partner (who didn’t show up surprisingly) she didn’t even take a flipping cupcake I had made. She gave me a gift of money which I am greatful for but it also felt like there was no thought there.
I had a moan to my partner last night about it all and I then started looking through the pics of the baby shower and saw a pic of my mum and I just felt pure guilt and I don’t know why. Maybe because I had been moaning about her and have these bad feelings towards her. I can’t really tell her how I’m feeling because it will just be brushed to one side and I’ll be told she can do what she wants at her age etc etc. I feel guilty that when my son is here he won’t know his grandma because she won’t be around and I refuse to do all the chasing for no effort in return. When I saw her on Sunday she looked so skinny and her hair was a mess and it just wasn’t my mum as I knew her. My brothers mum (a different woman) has been battling alcoholism and my mum looked like she was going through the same battle but I know 100% she isn’t in the grips of alcohol addiction
I think about cutting her off sometimes but I know this would hurt her and. I don’t want her to feel how she’s made me feel all these years - unimportant and an afterthought.
Has anyone any advice or suggestions on how I could approach the subject.
I’m feeling deflated and gutted to tell you the truth. I have a closer bond with my partners mum than my own and it does hurt.