Narcissist...need strength!

[sallynoballs]

Ok so I posted on here about a week ago thinking maybe I was the toxic one!

But from what some ladies replied it's not me it's him as he's cheated many times and someone suggested I should look up narcissists, gaslighting and trauma bonding....and OMG I can relate to it all, it really describes my relationship down to a T.

So this morning I finally found the courage again to end things....this isn't the first time probably about the 13th this year.

So I really need help staying away and not giving into him. I need out so I can finally be happy again!

Please can you all share your stories on narcissists if any of you have any?

He's saying how can I say that I loved him when I'm doing this to him....he loves me and he could never end things with me because he loves me 🤦🏻‍♀️

Be strong

Just bumped into him on my way into the gym....
He's walking along side me and then said..." this is shit isn't it"
I just didn't say anything so he looked at me with a shocked face!
So I said..."what do you want me to say"
He was just like..."your hard work when your like this, I'll talk to you when you have calmed down"

Like this is just a phase 🤦🏻‍♀️

When are you starting the Freedom Programme?

There are some brilliant you tube videos on how to deal with narcisissts - trying to think of my favourite. Lisa A. Romano is pretty good - she jusy 'gets it'. a lot of hers are on narcissistic parents but it's the same principle.

They are so irritating!

Just keep in mind that he is actually empty and not capable of any semblance of love. I think of them as great big slimey leaches, looking to suck you dry.

'Feed me feed me feed me your soul'

Oh and vary your usual times going to places you usually go. So that he can't just 'bump into' you anymore.

Melanie Tonia Evans is another good YouTube vlogger in narcs.

Did he really “just” bump into you? I would have in mind that he’s following you. I don’t want to scare you but as others have said vary your routine and routes.

Freedom programme I will ring them tomoro as they have just emailed me back!

Yea he knows all the times I go to the gym as we used to go together so I will be switching it up.

He was so miserable in there it made me stronger. In a weird way I like to know he's hurting. Even tho I'm sure it's all an act!

As you already know, men like this are extremely dangerous

You are his. He doesn’t see you as being your own person. You belong to him

Please speak to the police and make them aware of his behaviour

This poor girl wasn’t so lucky molly

God just read that molly story!

How scary is that!

You just never imagine that happening to you!

His is behaving in a typical way. It is all a game to him. All the successful tactics he learned on how to grind you down are used again.
Because you are standing firm, his ego has taken a massive blow. HE will decide the outcome of the relationship, not you.
Telling you that you are angry is a tactic. You were meant to say, 'I'm very calm, I don't want to see you anymore.' Then he could argue with you, point out how you were wrong/mistaken/unreasonable/imagining things etc etc
Well done on getting out. Stay out now. I didn't have the courage until my ex stabbed my dog, then got engaged to someone else and even then, I still took some months to leave.

I hope you’ve managed to get through about the Freedom programme.

Bumped into him my arse, he knew you’d be there. Sounds like he’s still playing the long game, teasing you with the reward of reconciliation, because obviously you couldn’t possibly want to be rid of him, but only when you play by his rules.

Be warned that if this current tactic doesn’t yield the result he wants he’ll be changing his approach. He’s already accidentally on purpose being in the same place as you, even though he can reasonably explain his way out of it.

Please call WA and get the police primed and ready to intervene. They deal with this all the time so they know what they’re doing. His behaviour is so textbook you could set your watch by it. Don’t let him progress to the other behaviours you’ve already witnessed from him. Don’t forget, once he starts, the confusion and fear will have already set in, so it’ll be much harder to act with a clear head at that point.

Good luck and stay strong.

Yes adopt some safety measures so if you are going anywhere like the gym etc text a friend to say that you’ve arrived/are leaving/got home safe. Keep a log of any contact from him. Just keep it in mind that anything he says is a lie and only said in order for him to get his own way or the last word.

Stay strong @sallynoballs
You’ve got balls woman! Change your User name to SallyWarrior!

Thankyou @Isadora2007
I really can't call myself a warrior just yet! Not until I am fully healed from this situation!

I never ever thought my life would turn out like this!

I'm so impressed that you got out.
I imagine he will swing between real nastiness and OTT niceness. He will try to make this your fault and will threaten all sorts.
Don't engage with any of it, at all.

I'm not quite out yet I don't think!

But yes I think you right! I just want this feeling to go!

He will get something out of every single response, even negative, so any response sets the clock back as it were.

Yea I think you are right as I did something stupid and then He left me a voicemail saying that it showed I still scare.

I haven't unblocked him tho and that's it now no petty little school girl revenge!

It wasn't stupid. You're just a normal, kind person.

I know but now I've made him think I care and have probably undone all my hard work from the weekend!

God this is so hard!

Trying to get into the freedom project but they only do it on the days I work

He's a master manipulator, don't blame yourself!

There is an online version

Do the online version rather than not doing it at all OP, you will still get a lot out of it. You've been really strong so far, be proud of that and make yourself a promise that you won't waste all the effort you've put in by going back now.

PP's are right, it is a game to him and he does think he owns you, his comment about 'when you've calmed down' shows that really clearly. Knowing someone saw me like that, like the prey in his cat and mouse game, would make me so angry I'd think 'like fuck will I let him win', could you employ a bit of that to help strengthen you in weak moments? Building an invisible but impenetrable wall around yourself so they can't touch you in any way is the only way to deal with these fuckers so anything you can do to strengthen your wall is good.

And don't be alone, there will be someone on here to talk you down if you need it any time of the day or night so post if you're struggling. This part is shit but it's temporary, you will come out the other side and if you cave in this time you will have to start all over again a few weeks or months down the line. Grit your teeth, get through it and look forward to being free, you can do this

Link to online Freedom Programme freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php