DH inappropriate close friendship, lack of intimacy and moving forward

[thegingerbreadlady]

Basically this is quite a common situation I think - we've been married 12 years and have 3 young children, both work full time, not have sex much.
DH has developed a close friendship with someone at work that I feel has become totally inappropriate while he maintains they "haven't crossed any red lines".

I realise that the friendship is a symptom rather than a cause of our problems though - ultimately DH wants intimacy with someone and I don't want it with him.

I do love him though - we have a lovely family life together, he's a great parent and partner and I don't think either of us want to lose that but he feels rejected and I'm a bit bored.

I'm not sure where we go on from here though? When we initially had a big confrontation about the friendship and our marriage I kind of resolved to try harder at the romantic/sexual side of things, date nights and more sex. But actually I don't really want that

Is it possible to maintain the partnership and parenting side of our relationship but separate from the romantic/sexual element? I'm not sure if it's open marriage I'm thinking of exactly but in lots of ways we are really good housemates who are raising happy children together so if he/we want to find intimacy somewhere else then could that work?

I'd particularly love to hear from anyone who has managed to separate from a romantic relationship but continue as a family?

but I became more concerned and when I read their private messages to each other I realised how far from innocent/platonic it was

You read his texts and then became concerned about him potentially acting on what you're going to suggest?

Its far different from any reality and TV show you see. It's make or break in a relationship and rarely do these situations last (but I don't think you expect it to). Have a good think whether you'd be happy bathing and putting dc to bed while he goes out to dinner with someone, has sex and comes home at 3am.

I'd rather end it, instead of watching my partner potentially date other women under the same roof while I look after DC.

Open relationships are a difficult thing to get right. Your DH does not sound the type to make this work. He sounds more a committed one woman man, only you don't sound to be that woman anymore, and you don't want to be. Guaranteed if he meets someone he feels close enough to to have an affair with, he will leave and your happy family life will go down the drain.

Difficult one. But an open marriage would probably be easier to negotiate than a full divorce, and all the practicalities and logistics that involves

When you love someone you don't want sex with other people (mostly)..
Like pp said 'long marriages' don't just happen they need work.
You say you love each other - start there. Because seeing the man you love all dressed up and excited as he swans off to see an ow isn't going to be any kind of answer.

And sounds like his foot his half way out the door now.

Your kids are teasing him about his girlfriend