Can my ex sociopath move on quietly or am I in for hell?

[Thepinkoneandtheblueone]

I've recently broken up with the man I've been seeing for the past several months because it became abundantly clear that he can't have healthy relationships.

He has a criminal past and whilst incarcerated (15+ years ago) he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorders, by that I mean more than one diagnosis.

For all intents and purposes he comes across as an empathic, kind, ambitious and decent man who has long since reformed from his teenage years problems and made it his mission to help others and do better. I was impressed by his resilience to overcome his demons and fully believed he had long since turned a corner in his life and thinking. His life appeared stable, nice home, job etc and I've been privy to seeing him do alot of good for others. I allowed him the opportunity to convince me that he was now an upstanding, kind and law abiding man. I had my reservations of course, but as his criminality was during his teenage years I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He was a master manipulator and very good at projecting his false self.

It has become glaringly obvious that he has not changed, bar the criminality which he has nothing to do with - his ability to have a healthy relationship is grossly impaired and his attitude to other people quite frankly stinks.

I've been verbally abused, he has attempted to manipulate me, gaslight me, triangulate me and had a good go at emotional abuse before I pulled the plug and ghosted him.

I'm on edge about repercussions and whilst he hasn't done anything illegal, yet, I'm worried he might do. I'm aware of him loitering on social media under an alias.

I feel stupid for giving him a chance.

Can a sociopathic narcissist ever cut their losses and move on peacefully or am I in for a barrage of shit

I’d hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Start by locking down your social media.

You sound very switched on and clear headed and have not given him an inch so my guess is he will move on to an easier target. If he helps others and is "reformed" he will have an incentive not to look too obviously batshit. Well done for getting rid!

Yes they can.
But I think the thing you have to do is absolutely get off social media for a while. It's worth it.
I had a total sociopathic ex who did stalk me for several months after our break-up. But I wasn't initially smart about it.
Eventually, I moved to the other side of London, changed phone numbers (social media didn't exist back then), cut off our very few mutual friends and anyone who had anything to do with him. I had to though because he was full-on making my life a misery.
Once you're out of sight, you may very well be out of mind. He'll fixate on you as long as traces of you linger. But being a sociopath, he may also just move on quite quickly if you can disappear.
I'd move. I know it sounds extreme. But once I moved away from our area to a totally different part of town, my ex lost my scent, so to speak, and therefore his interest as well. Because that's the thing: sociopaths aren't interested in people. They may obsess and throw their toys violently out of the pram when they don't get their way, but they are not interested in others. So in a weird way, if you're out of sight, he'll lose interest, generally speaking. He doesn't sound too obsessed at the moment. Has he attempted to contact you in any way?

I kept firm boundaries in place much to his annoyance, he would say he's disappointed I wouldn't allow him to "explore my vulnerabilities" which to me makes it glaringly obvious he was looking for weaknesses to exploit.

Upon reflection I don't think i was a good source of supply as I wouldn't allow myself to be manipulated and would call him out on his attempts to do so.

Not that I would wish him on anybody else, but I hope he's of the same opinion and decides he can get nothing from me and would be better looking elsewhere.

Also, I was lucky in that I was freelance and didn't have an actual workspace he could linger around.
Keep your head about you, OP.

He has attempted to contact me yes, full of apologies then turned nasty when I refused to forgive the awful names he called me.

I haven't gone to the police because as it stands there wouldn't be a great deal they could do about an argument and I have no proof of the rest of it. I was also concerned that given his history, me involving the police would escalate things as he would (I know this for sure) think I'm trying to have him put back in prison.

Just NC, block on everything, absolutely do not react to anything he says or does, it's the only way to get rid of someone like this, give them even the slightest reaction be it a negative or a positive one and they will feed off it and continue to try and contact you etc. If you give him absolutely nothing he'll find a new victim, probably pop up intermittently to try and re-engage with you but just continue to completely ignore and hopefully it should be fine. I've dealt with two men very similar and it's the only way to shake them.

I have him blocked on WhatsApp but can see his profile picture which is currently a subliminal dig, a photograph that I took, which I find unnerving. I'm taking that as an indicator that he's thinking of me, or even worse plotting.

Yes I have no intention to engage him and will continue to remain no contact. I'm fairly anxious about his mere existence at the moment, knowing what I know about him I can't help but worry he's going to cause me alot of problems in one way or another.

It's really difficult to predict how they will respond and depends on alot of different factors. My sociopathic ex harassed me for months and when he couldn't get to me directly, he started to contact my employer to try and get me fired. I think what triggered him is that I moved on to someone else and in his warped mind this meant I was cheating on him and so he felt justified in seeking revenge.

The less information he is able to access about you, the less likely he is find reasons to harass you, although that isn't always the case. My advice would be to lock down all social media, change your number and if he continues to contact you through other means or indirectly through other people, then get the police involved. It was the only thing that stopped my ex and the police are getting so much better at taking this seriously.

Save any evidence you have of the name calling or missed calls etc (my phone shows missed calls from blocked numbers) as you never know when you will need it.

Hopefully, he will move on fairly quickly but you must not engage under any circumstances. They are looking for supply, good or bad but get bored easily if you don't give them anything.

Don’t reply to anything, don’t refuse to forgive him, don’t argue with him. Stop calling him out on his attempts and trying to show you are smarter than him.

He loves all that shit, you are-playing into his hands. They love drama and thrive on it. So you want to be boring as hell.

No reaction. At all. Block him everywhere . If he gets through, screen shot and delete.

My ex did this too, changing his profile picture on WhatsApp to things about revenge and karma. He is trying to intimidate you and I know how scary this can be.

Does he know where you live or work? Does he know your routines? If so, start taking a different route to work and let them know what is going on. Work was very supportive of me and they knew not to let anyone in my building who asked for me by name and also security were on high alert. Find out if your organisation has a domestic violence advocate or safeguarding team (luckily mine did).

Have a very low threshold for contacting the police. Even if you ring 101 at this stage and report what has happened, they may not be able to arrest him but they will have a record which you can continue to update on the same crime number if he continues to contact you. Harrassment is two occasions of unwanted contact which is designed to intimidate so he may have met that threshold already. They are not scared of the police but they will often back down when threatened with a prison sentence (my ex had also been to prison several times and he didnt want to go back which is what ultimately stopped him).

My modus operandi the last time we spoke prior to me ghosting him was to be as boring as hell, seem completely dull and keep a neutral tone. I knew what he was and wanted out so I wouldn't respond to his attempts to agitate me and was very flat.

I've since taken the stance of being completely non existent, I won't acknowledge him whatsoever and have no intention to unblock and re enter into conversation.

I'm unable to remove myself from social media unfortunately as my business page is attached to my personal profile.

I guess you could say the hard bit is done, but it has left me with a feeling of unease that somehow he isn't quite finished yet.

I have family who mean the world to me, which he knows, and I'm suspicious he may try to harm them if he can't get to me.

When I say harm I don't mean physically as he's not that stupid, but I can definitely see him trying to cause problems to get to me.

He knows what I do for work (I'm self employed and promote my business online) but he doesn't know where I live, exactly.

He knows an approximate area but not the name of my street and definitely not my door number, it's because I knew about his past from the get go that I kept walls up when dating and didn't want to completely let him into my life until I could be certain he posed no risk.

My instincts served me well as after just a short time the mask has slipped and I'm thankful he hasn't met my family and children.

You can add a friend to admin your page should you need to shutdown your fb account temporarily. An alias account for you to run your page may also be a solution? Be mindful of false accounts attempting to access you via your business page

I wasn't aware I could do that, I will look into it thank you

Change your phone number. Block on everything. Shut down your social media. That’s the best advice