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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Drugs ruined my relationship

8 replies

Char4988 · 06/10/2019 21:47

I met my partner over two years ago and everything was great at first, I loved him so much and I still do. My two boys loved him too and he was great with them. I knew he did coke occasionally but never thought it was a problem or he would choose it over me, I was wrong. He hasn’t got any children of his own but really wanted them and he promised me if I got pregnant he would stop the coke. I found out I was pregnant on Boxing Day 2018, I thought everything was gonna be great and we were gonna be a proper family now but I was wrong he lied to me he wouldn’t stop the coke, if anything it got worse. I knew I couldn’t have a baby with someone who did drugs, a baby was all he wanted I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t stop. I got a termination, first attempt failed so had to have another at 14 week, it wasn’t an easy decision and I have a lot of guilt about what I did. I think about it a lot and wish things were different and I could of kept my baby. Since my termination in March things have got a lot worse now. About 4 months ago I found out he’s been buying methadone off the street, I tried to help him with that. I took him to get help and get his own prescription for the methadone rather than buy it off the street. More recently the last couple of months I’ve found out he’s been smoking and injecting herion only occasionally, but the coke has got a lot more frequent, he’s been going a gram a day for the past week. I’ve ended it with him now I’m sick of always coming second to drugs and also sick of all the lies, there was a lot of them. I love him so much and it really hurts that me or his own baby wasn’t enough to make him change. I can’t trust him at all because of all the lies about the drugs, I don’t know who he is anymore.

OP posts:
Littlelegs991 · 06/10/2019 22:03

You e done the right thing ending it. Just
Please stay strong and don’t go back there, if social services get wind of it you could be at risk of losing your children

FoxandFish · 06/10/2019 22:16

I've been with someone addicted to coke. He was high functioning addict and still is. As sad as it sounds you would never ever go first neither your child. You unable to help him either and trying to do so would only make you drained and miserable. You made right decisions. Please stay strong and don't take him back (I know very well how hard it is) and keep your DC away from himFlowers

TheBouquets · 06/10/2019 22:43

It is sad that you lost the boyfriend you thought he was
It is so hurtful that your only option was to not have the baby
You have done the right thing. You dont want your DCs to have any involvement with drugs. It would be too risky to have a drug addict around your home and your DCs home. Social Services could turn up at any time.
Good luck for the future I think your future is brighter now without the involvement of the drugs around you. You have done the best thing for you and your DCs

Interestedwoman · 06/10/2019 22:49

So sorry to hear you've been through such things. xxxxx

He's a drug addict/abuser, which makes his behaviour unpredictable and unreliable. Please continue to stay away from him. Hugs xxxxx

FlowersInThePot · 06/10/2019 22:53

Drugs will always be his first love my darling xx

Char4988 · 06/10/2019 23:50

Thank you for all the reply’s, he is a functioning addict as he still manages to hold down his job as a fisherman, I’ve tried everything to make him change from keeping his bank card so he can’t get money for drugs to staying with him constantly so he can’t go meet anyone to get drugs but nothing works he always finds a way, and I hate having to live my life like this, there’s no trust anymore and I’m always anxious and worried when he’s not with me if he’s getting drugs. It’s no life I know xx

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 07/10/2019 06:15

I don’t know who he is anymore.

He’s exactly the person you chose to get involved with, the problem is you bought into a future version of him that doesn’t exist.

MrsTriOskvi · 07/10/2019 07:07

You've done the right thing even though it's so hard. My kids dad is a recovering addict. Long time clean now but he only got clean because he wanted too. No matter what me and his family did to try to help until he was ready it was hopeless. We were together for 10 years, 6 using and 4 clean. It was a long slog and so so draining. We are not together now due to other issues and I so wish I hadn't wasted all that time being treated so badly for the 6 years of use, well done for getting out xxx

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