Do you speak to your mother and if not...

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If not, how has it impacted on your/ your children’s life ?

My mother is draining in every way. She has severed ties with virtually everyone she has ever called friend or family and now I’m at the point of cutting her off also. I’ve said it before but then she tries to change (without ever acknowledging what she has done or apologising) and I always see the good in people and always tell myself she’s my mum and I have to forgive and forget.

The older I get the less tolerant I become and the more withdrawn I become.

I now want to sever ties completely and I think only then she will realise she is toxic...

I was taken away from my mother at 13 but had weekly visits until I was 18. That was the last I saw of her. My own children know nothing of her except she wasn’t a nice mummy. My children have wonderful people around them that take the place of grandparents and I’ve not noticed any adverse affects. There are times I’ve missed having a mother figure about to ask questions etc but I have managed. You need to do what is best for you and your family.

@Peony

Thank you.
I think I always compare her with other mothers and tell myself she’s not that bad...

But the older I get the more I realise she is toxic and I can understand why everyone cuts her off and why she is always the ‘Victim’ in every situation.

I think your right and I have to start putting myself first.

I've recently gone no contact with my mum. She is 100% narcissistic and it is mentally draining/exhausting. It's hard to say regarding the impact on children because my son is only 5 months old. But, you also don't need to tolerate the toxic relationship, if she behaves that way with you your children will be better off also. Setting boundaries with these types of people is like trying to get blood out of a stone. Its not okay to put up with abuse etc from anyone, that doesn't exclude family, doesnt give them a free pass to walk all over you! Good luck OP, take care of you and your family x

I could've wrote what you wrote except 1 year ago I actually stopped speaking to her after a (silly) row. I've never been happier. Turns out the anxiety symptoms I'd been living with were probably down to her as I haven't had any 'episodes' since and I feel so much better than I did. I still see my dad a lot but don't bother with her at all. Prob the best think I ever did

OP your mother sounds a lot like mine. She lives abroad now so i don't see much of her but i always have this guilt that tells me I should still try and make the effort. She's so selfish. Everything has to revolve around her and she's always the victim and will say sorry but make it clear she's saying sorry to end the issue rather than because she is sorry (If that makes sense). When we were growing up it was clear her boyfriends were her priority, not us. It made me sad when i was in halls at Uni seeing everyones' mums come to visit with lots of home made food for them or presents sent in the post. I wish I'd had a relationship like that with my mum.
My children barely know her but they do have my in-laws who dote on them thankfully.

Nearly 8 years nc with my mum and no regrets whatsoever. My dc recall her insisting on coming over one Xmas day to see them and turning up with literally nothing but promising them a trip to the cinema - yeah still waiting for that. My ils are the only real grandparents they've known and they aren't fabulous but they are at least there and show an interest. I don't feel any bitterness toward my mum anymore, she and I said one word to each other at my brothers wedding 'hello' and that's it. I just feel indifference towards her now, just someone I once knew.

Two months in NC for me. For what sounds like very similar reasons.

I feel sad mainly because my DC adore her ( usually because she brought ice creams when visiting)
But also because she is supposed to be my mum. A good person who cares for me, but she doesn't.

Sorry I didn't really answer your question did i?
Impact; I am much calmer and less stressed over all. Still somewhat full of FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt)

The kids have barely mentioned her. Maybe once or twice.

She did this to herself ultimately. She told me to fuck off after our last arguement and I am insisting on an apology before we move forward. Normally it would be me (regardless of who is at fault) apologising and kowtowing to make the peace. But not this time.

I didnt let my mother see my children, I didnt talk to her for years...then she was dead at 52.....I deeply regret it and wish that maybe once a month for a couple of hours I let her see them, now she's just a photo on the fridge my dc ask ' who is she'

I do but my husband does not speak to his. She has never liked me. While I don't completely know the reason the only thing I can think of is that she is a self proclaimed "psychic" and saw her son with a particular looking person, I don't look like that so I assume she thinks I won't be around long but it's been 21 years and 4 kids so she's been waiting a while. She has always been a negative toxic person who has hardly acknowledged my kids. His brother had kids when my youngest was about 15 and she has been the perfect grandmother to them so it's just me and my kids she has a problem with not being a grandmother in general.

Anyway it hasn't had much impact on our kids other than they don't see her as a grandmother. If you ask them who their grandparents are it's my parents and his dad and step mother. His mother doesn't get a mention unless prompted.

My eldest is now 20 so she could never get that relationship back. Even if she started seeing us again she has missed the bonding stage of being a grandparent to them as they grew up.

She tries to reach out to my husband occasionally, tries to get him to meet her alone for lunch or something, he doesn't even respond to her texts or answers her calls. He is just done with her treatment of him and his family.