11 year engagement...? Shall i walk?

[Mummybear147]

Hi..
My fiance has been dragging his feet for the past 11 years with our engagement, we have two young children but im starting to feel a little resentful of it all of late...am i been a mug? We speak often about marriage but it always seems 'we cant afford it at the moment' whenever that particular time frame was when i last checked it was happening. Im feeling super let down and kinda questioning if ive just been strung along here. Advise ladies. Thanks xx

That’s why it’s best to get married BEFORE having children! He’s got everything he wants without having to legally commit! There is no real incentive to do it now.

It’d be pretty shitty to split up your family over it at this point. The time to leave was pre-children!

I understand how disrespectful it feels, I had an OH that was like that. He even said it was wrong me telling people (he had agreed to a technical engagement) that we were supposedly engaged lol. But we didn't have children.

I think you should ask your OH how he feels about marriage. Did his parents have a difficult relationship, and that's put him off? His answers might help you understand that aspect of him better, if you don't already know.

How you respond to his answers will resolve it- whether you can live with them or whether you can't (unless you can persuade him to get therapy for any issues he has about marriage.)

Some people might think it random/shallow to be that bothered about marriage, my ex claimed to feel that, but if it is the ultimate commitment for you, I can understand how someone not being able to make it might grate.

Hugs xxxxx

Nothing will stop a man from marrying you if he is determined to.
Sorry

Hmm. I think you need to separate the big day big spend ( which you can put off, even though you would like it) from the protection of marriage ( which you could delay still longer but is potentially very harmful to you and your children if you do).

Suggest you ask again and if he gives you the usual 'one day never' answer then tell him calmly and respectfully that you accept/respect his decision and you don't want a wedding that only one of you is keen on.

But say that now that's sorted you need to take care of the important stuff around your and the kids financial position. So you could either marry in a very low key ( or secret)ceremony that you will book in the next few weeks and have a big blessing later, or you will make an appointment at a solicitor for house, will , joint rights to assets etc.

You don't need to threaten or sulk just set about the business of protecting you all. If he's a good man who just hates the expense and fuss of weddings this gives him a chance to meet you halfway and do the right thing.

If he's a dickhead who will always put himself first at your expense at least you'll know.

Ok so I got married last year, our eldest dc is 14 and youngest dc is 2 ( we have 6 dc) we got engaged in 2003 been together since 2000 so we were together 18 years and engaged 15 years before we got married all is absolutely fantastic in our marriage, just cos the dp of the op seems to be putting it doesn't mean op should walk.... it's nice to have a long engagement.....just saying.

*putting it off

Do YOU want a marriage, or a wedding or both. Does he not want a wedding or a marriage or both?
If you want a marriage, for legal and family reasons, that can be done, without much fanfare and pretty cheaply at Registry Office.
If you want an all the bells and whistles affair, he might be put off due to costs.
However, if it isn't any of those you need a good hard look at what happiness is to you and if you are willing to accept things or you desperately want marriage at all costs.