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Original poster

Getting back with ex husband? ???

18 replies

Davegrohlsnewwife · 06/10/2019 19:40

I would like some insight into any failures or successes in getting back with an ex?

This has just presented itself as a possibility and I am shocked that I didn't run screaming from the room. I think I am considering what he has said! So while I try to unscramble the chaos in my brain - I wondered what experience my fellow MN'ers have had with this! Shock

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 06/10/2019 19:43

I always focussed on why it went wrong in the first place. Is that insurmountable?

Aquamarine1029 · 06/10/2019 19:43

Why did you split up in the first place? Why do you think things would be different now?

I've know 4 couples who got back together. Only 1 was successful.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/10/2019 19:44

Why did you separate in the first place?. If it’s due to abuse then it’s a non starter.

Is he merely telling you what you want to hear?

Original poster
Davegrohlsnewwife · 06/10/2019 19:56

We split up 5 years ago - we've both had relationships since.

I ended it as we just weren't getting on - he later admitted he was depressed but felt a failure to admit it to me at the time, even though it caused us to separate and divorce.

He has changed a lot in the last 5 years - as have I - and a recent family problem has meant that we have had to spend more time together, and we have chatted about all sorts. We have 2 children together, and we're together for 12 years in total.

OP posts:
RLEOM · 06/10/2019 21:07

Personally, it's never worked for me. However, my mum and dad split for a year and got back together, lived happily for the next 30 years until my mum died.

quincejamplease · 06/10/2019 21:13

That nice feeling you get chatting about the good old days comes from the memories, not him. Unless you plan to conduct the entire relationship in the past that's not really going to work and is definitely not grounds to get back together.

You know you don't have to go backwards with your life just to revisit happy memories and connect with how they felt?

springydaff · 06/10/2019 23:07

The man I bought my house from remarried his wife and went to live with her in Budleigh Salterton.

I'd get back with my ex H if he wasn't an abuser and wasn't dead. And hadn't married someone else lol. So much easier all round.

I'd definitely consider it op.

GrandTheftWalrus · 07/10/2019 02:00

I met my exH at 13. Split lots until 17 and then got married at 25. Divorced at 30. Was a mistake from the beginning. Should never have got back with him. He cheated lots and hit me numerous times.

I am happy with my fiance now but if he asked to get back together id be off in a shot.

Livelovelearn1 · 07/10/2019 11:23

People change a lot over the years. If youd consider starting another relationship with someone else it could also not work. You share family with him so if theres love left there... why not? Look at it as a new relationship and maybe dont rush into it (so kids dobt end up confused). Go taste the waters , you can always change your mind.

dontgobaconmyheart · 07/10/2019 11:40

I'd be wary OP, depression is hardly some small thing and rarely pops up and then goes and that's that- he obviously wasn't able to communicate with you at all over a serious personal issue in hard times before, so there clearly were other issues. Using depression to wash over it and the marriage failure, I think would be an error.

I also think 5 years is a long time, and would 'get to know' him again over a long period as friends only before considering anything. We often feel we know people well because we used to and again, it doesn't work like that at all. You say yourself he has changed but if you've not been intimate or in constant contact you really only know surface things IMO and what he wants you to know. If you are able to discuss deeper things and his depression and how that came about and why it went wrong before then maybe it has potential to start having legs but it's down to your judgement at the end of the day

What's going on in his life? It's not as though he was (presumably) floating the idea to get back together when he was happy with someone else so I'd also be wary it was borne of opportunity, convenience, not wanting to be alone etc rather than 'true love' but maybe I'm a cynic. Have you been supporting him during this family problem? Why is he 'opening up' now?

Not sure OP, I'd refrain or at least take it very slowly, why go backwards when you can go forward.

MonnaLIza · 07/10/2019 11:51

I am an incurable optimist and I'd say go for it.

MiniPrawn · 07/10/2019 11:58

Not married but DP and I once broke up for a year because of his depression. We got back together and things have been amazing ever since. We’ve been back together 4 years now

I would say get to know each other again. Like you say you’ve both changed. Don’t hold onto past grudges.

NameChangeNugget · 07/10/2019 13:49

I think if it’s gone tits up once, it can happen again. There are 3.5 Billion men on the planet, fill your boots.

If you want repeats watch Dave

Cherrypicker01 · 07/10/2019 14:04

if you want repeats watch Dave

This is gold

GrandTheftWalrus · 08/10/2019 01:15

I meant off away from the ex! Or I'd laugh in his face.

DonKeyshot · 08/10/2019 01:42

There are 3.5 Billion men on the planet, fill your boots

If you want repeats watch Dave

Busily cross-stitching these two gems with the intention of handing the cushions down to generations to come.

Cheers, nugget. Have you got any more where they came from? Grin

Pistols69 · 08/10/2019 07:50

My sister did this. Split after 10 years, had a relationship for 2 years then got back with husband. Lasted another 8 years but not happily. They just didn’t want to hurt the kids again. As soon as kids went to Uni, they split up again and divorced.

Personally I would say never go backwards

flamingo40 · 08/10/2019 09:03

I left my husband 5 years ago, our marriage became stale. We didn't like each other and were really only together for the children at that point. We had met married and had our children young. We really didn't have much in common to be honest.
I won't lie that first year was awful, but we then became a team parenting. For 4 years we built up a friendship. Both of us moved on and had other relationships but we still got on great for the kids.
Our son became ill. It was quite frankly the worst year of my life. As the main parent for me it was particularly hard. But my ex had my back, he became my rock. We spent so much time together helping our son get better. And in this time rebuilt a lovely relationship.
We have now been back together a year.
I know it's not for everyone. Exes are that for a reason.
We became friends. We enjoyed our time together. And now we have an amazing relationship.
We suffered a lot of negativity from other people. I understand that but they only know the bad from the end of our previous relationship. They don't understand what we've been through and how we got where we are now.
I would say from experience only you know if it's right.

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