Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me be strong

11 replies

Insomnic · 06/10/2019 19:06

Long story short suspected DP of 20 years has been cheating on me for several months now. Works away from home so has been difficult to prove. This weekend found things on his email ( nothing as obvious as messages from another woman) but enough to know that he is lying to me. Confronted him by phone call - working away again. Hes come up with some BS story for what ive found and has swang it round so its my fault for questioning him all the time - has not spoken to/messaged me since yesterday when he sent his BS story to me. Is coming home tomorrow and i know hes gonna try and make everything my fault and try and make me believe what he says. I know i have to end it - i dont believe a thing that comes out of his mouth- have caught him out lying several times before. The trouble is i still love him despite everything and the easiest thing to do would be to believe what he says to take the pain and hurt away. I have to stay strong- i know hes been cheating- how to i do this.

OP posts:
DonKeyshot · 07/10/2019 02:03

Defence is the best form of attack.

He's turning it round on you to deflect from his behaviour which, he knows full well, won't stand up to scrutiny.

Don't fall for it and, much as you may currently believe you love him, keep your dignity and send him packing because you'll never trust him again and, as he works away from home, you'll go through the torment of the damned wondering what he's up to.

666onmyhead · 07/10/2019 03:01

Agree with previous poster. You know you are right. Don't listen to his bull shite . Have his stuff ready for him at the door and tell home you contact you via your solicitor - and give him the solicitor name and contact details.
Stay strong or he do this again and again and again .

hethrewabottle · 07/10/2019 03:01

What did you find op?

Original poster
Insomnic · 07/10/2019 04:47

He has brought viagra !!!!!
And a hotel booking for 2 adults in the same place he was working for the last 7 months when he is supposed to be working the other end of the country. The booking has been cancelled now and hes coming home 2 days early

OP posts:
hethrewabottle · 07/10/2019 23:08

Does he know you know?

Original poster
Insomnic · 08/10/2019 16:04

Oh yes - has not spoken to me for 2 days now - is due back this evening. Will eother be he is ending it b

OP posts:
Original poster
Insomnic · 08/10/2019 16:05

Because he has been caught and doesnt want to adnit the truth or will finally grow a pair and tell me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Insomnic · 09/10/2019 23:29

Help me - so he has come home confronted him and he has finished the relationship. I was doing ok but ive come to bed and he is sleeping on the sofa. Am really struggling now crying and dont know what to do with myself. I feel so upset and im annoyed at myself hes done wrong and im the one left feeling like my world has ended and it hasn't affected him in the slightest

OP posts:
donethinkin · 09/10/2019 23:33

Make him leave and go to a hotel. You don’t have to put up with him being there if he’s ended the relationship. Has he been cheating? Are you married? Tims to sort out the practicalities. Who owns the house?

Original poster
Insomnic · 10/10/2019 15:10

I dont have 100% proof just a series of things that ive found that he always has an explanation for. He is still denying that he has done anything and has finished the relationship because he is fed up with me, asking questions all the time. He says the relationship is shit and has been for years and hes not happy. Why am i so heartbroken over someone who doesn't even treat me particularly nicely. I strongly suspect may be in an abusive relationship- he is very controlling and gives me the silent treatment or breaks up with me when he thinks ive done something wrong. Why can i not break away from this abusive man.

OP posts:
Lightinthedark · 10/10/2019 18:01

Wow sounds like my ex. Exactly the same behaviour and boy was I right about him tough. I was however glad to see my ex gone. You know you can trust your gut and him finishing with you and not leaving is him breaking you down to take his narrative as obviously his reputation matters more than you will. If he was so innocent he would make sure you were OK. That the two of you were OK and there would be very little drama from someone who is innocent. Trust you for once and please stop handing over to him further control over you. Yes you are gutted, that will fade, however you begging him to be yours and beg him forgiveness is what he wants, as then he know he has hold on you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page