How long before you become “exclusive”

[Butterflybea]

Just looking for a bit of advice.

Met a guy nearly 3 months ago, everything seems to be going well. We are both 36, I’m divorced with 2 kids (14 and 8), he has 2 kids too (11 and 7). This is only my second relationship as I had been with my ex since school.

Last night he brought up the chat about how he would like us to be officially a couple. Now Im not sure how things work now and I’m wondering if we have given it long enough to become an official couple?? I’ve asked my close friend and she says she thinks we should but, I feel when she gets a new boyfriend she rushes in too quickly. She also told me I should be okay introducing him to my kids, but there is no way I’m doing that just now, and I was thinking about waiting until at least the 6th month mark before we even think about meeting each other’s kids (although my oldest has sussed I’m seeing someone and I’ve been honest with him and he has told me he is pleased for me).

So do you think we have given it enough time? Sorry if this sounds really silly but I just don’t know what happens now.

You can become exclusive without formally starting a serious relationship!

Definitely agree with not introducing him to the kids until at LEAST six months.

We didn’t have kids when we met but we discussed things and decided to date exclusively after around three weeks, and then decided to start a relationship after around two months. I’m really glad we had that interim period where we both knew we weren’t open to seeing others but hadn’t rushed into the pressure of calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend after just a couple weeks.

Oh sorry CrystalShark that’s what I meant being in a serious relationship (sorry not with the times these days lol), we have been exclusive since about 3 weeks of seeing each other. He would like to make it official as in say to people that we are a couple.

If it doesn’t feel right to you, then don’t.
We called each other boyfriend and girlfriend after a week!
You should be over the moon to be called a couple and if you’re not, that probably tells you something.

LanternLighter I don’t mind making it official, I just wasn’t sure anyone would think it was too soon purely because we have kids. I think it’s quite nice that he would like to make it official.

Ah I see!

If it feels right to call him your boyfriend after three months then go for it. Functionally nothing will change, it doesn’t make the relationship any different, and it shouldn’t lead you to bring forward meeting the kids. It’s a good sign he’s keen to have you be his girlfriend!

Does it feel right to call him your boyfriend? Right around when DH and I decided to be exclusive I had a really intense attack of feelings one night and said to him we should just be boyfriend and girlfriend if we’re gonna be exclusive because what’s the difference? But he was unsure as he thought it was rushing it a bit, and we decided to see how it felt for a bit. The next morning I woke up and away from him and the intimacy of the moment realised he was completely right and the thought of saying he was my boyfriend made me recoil a bit, it was just too soon and didn’t feel right and my gut was rebelling against it. So I told him he was right, it had been a bit soon, and he still laughs about it now and says I lost my mind briefly because of getting the good D from him 😂 which is pretty accurate tbh.

A few weeks later after we’d been exclusive for a bit but without the pressure of labels it just felt right and he asked me to be his girlfriend haha. Cheesy but very sweet. And then it felt right to me. And him. He took it very seriously the idea of being in a committed relationship and didn’t want to rush into it too quickly, and he was right. Otherwise it just feels like playing at being in a relationship with someone you can’t really know well enough yet, ya know? Well it did for me.

You don’t sound too keen: you ‘don’t mind’ making it official, worried people will think it’s too soon etc. So give it some time if you like.

I'd ignore arbitrary time limits on anything. Do things when it feels right. I have a friend with 4 kids (one with SN) so the possibility of her dating without her kids around was small. So, she went online and would just talk/text a guy for a considerable length of time before she would invite him on a day out with her kids. It took a long time for her to find someone compatible with that family style dating but she did and they're now engaged.

My hubby and I had quite a casual relationship for 4 years or so because we were doing very different things. We weren't exclusive but didn't talk about what we did with other people.

I met someone 7 weeks ago and we are boyfriend/girlfriend. We both knew straight away that we didn't want to be seeing other people so to me, that's a relationship and he is my boyfriend.

I also have kids but I don't see that as being relevant at the moment as they won't meet him for while yet. I don't particularly think putting time limits on things is helpful (ie so many weeks to be exclusive, six months to introduce kids, etc). I think if you are sensible then you can decide when the time is right for yourselves.

On the other hand, I was seeing someone for 5 months and I knew it wasn't going anywhere long term so I didn't see him as my boyfriend and was very much just 'seeing' him. If you know...