My friend seems to have gone off me

[MoeGreenSpecial]

I feel really sad about this.

I made a school mum friend when dd started school. She was really warm and welcoming and invited me round all the time for a coffee and we would meet up in the park while the kids played etc. She would confide everything in me and swear me to secrecy and say she told me things she didn’t even tell her family and her husband. We would drop everything if the other of us needed a friend and it was great, I felt supported and like I’d made a great solid friend at last.

Her work has increased a bit, and she is certainly v popular and has a big family which all take up some of her time, but lately she’s had no time for me. At the beginning of the summer hols I mentioned meeting up and she said she’d only got a few days free during the whole break. Eventually she rang me for a chat and we met up once for an hour but other than that we didn’t see or speak to each other at all. She lives on my road and while leaving the house or sitting in our lounge etc I’ve seen her so often walking past with a couple of other school mum friends. She mentioned that she’d met up with one of them every week during the summer hols and I’ve seen her with another one about three times in the last week at least. I asked her for a coffee a few days ago and she said yeah ok but then never got back to me about it.

Since then I’ve seen her socialising with the other two mums several times including today.

I’m probably being stupid but I feel so hurt! I finally thought I’d found a friend I could count on.

Hi OP

Did she initiate the friendship? Was she very full on in the beginning? I find that friendships that start out like this fade quickly, I'm very sceptical of this kind of person.

I hope you're ok OP

@Itsallpointless yes she did initiate it and yes she was v full on at the start and it’s faded over time. She’s the sort of person who knows everyone and is super popular.

To be totally honest I’m not ok. Things have been so hard and apart from my husband and my dd I feel let down to some degree by everyone I’ve ever been close to. And the one person who didn’t let me down died last year.

Sounds so familiar OP, 'super popular' is normally an indication to best steer clear.

Good friendships take a long time to nurture, the 'in your face' type rarely have longevity. I would not waste any time in analysing her behaviour, the whys and wherefores.

I too have been let down many times by 'fair weather' friends, so I know all too well how you feel.

I'm sorry for your loss too, grief is probably not helping you deal with this situation.

Please try and move on from her, I mean would you really want her as a friend now?

Feel free to pm if you need help

The same thing happened to me. I felt it odd that she confided in me so quickly. After which she began to keep her distance. I mentioned meeting for coffee/a meal, she agreed and would never get back to me. I would see her out and about with other people on social media. Perhaps she is a user and enjoys going from person to person. Perhaps she feels awkward that I know two of her family secrets. Now I just say hello and do not entertain anything more.

People can be strange. I have learnt not to over invest after being hurt in a number of friendships.

Walked to school with her this morning as they were entourage when we were. She was generally chatty, I asked what she’d been up to at the weekend as we had seen her out and about with people. She brushed over that and asked about how my weekend was. Brief conversation and then bye. I don’t know why she’s lost interest in being my friend but it really hurts and I feel really surprised, she was so eager before.

I remembered the old adage re boyfriends/ romantic interests not making plans to see you: if they wanted to be with you or see you they’d do so. It’s that simple.

I’m painfully realising it also applies to friends.

Moegreen Yes, people make time for who they want to see. It is painful to accept but so true. Once we realise this we are able to cut off those we have always prioritised. I have lost a number of friends this way. Only willing to meet when it suited them, when I arranged and booked venue, when they had nothing else planned.

"I'm quite wary of oversharers, they tend to be insincere."

Interesting. OP I'm in a similar position with a friend. We became very close very quickly, were good friends for about 18 months and then it tailed off. I now think it was maybe like a very intense romance and perhaps it's just a thing she does.

She used to tell me she had no friends....! Sorry, I know it hurts.