How do you move on when you don't want to?

[TinselAndKnickers]

Just that really. I want him back even though I deserve better, blah blah blah, I know all the things and I know I will move on and I know logically it's for the best but still that little shitty scrap of hope keeps kicking me in the teeth.

How the hell do you speed this up?!

Focus on yourself 100% and block him :)

But you DO want to. You don't want to continue with the gut wrenching feeling of desperate misery.

So you have to focus on YOU (as Mumcomehere says). Do everything YOU like doing, without the need to consider a partner. Do all the things he moaned about in particular!

In time you'll realise you are fine - and actually you're partly there because you already know you deserve better than him

Time. That's all it is.
I read an article recently that made a lot of sense to me.
When you are with someone all the familiarities create pathways in your brain and these are enforced the longer you are with someone.
When you break up your brain has to build new pathways relating to your new circumstances and surroundings and not related to your ex and this just takes time.

Time. That's all it is.
I read an article recently that made a lot of sense to me.
When you are with someone all the familiarities create pathways in your brain and these are enforced the longer you are with someone.
When you break up your brain has to build new pathways relating to your new circumstances and surroundings and not related to your ex and this just takes time.

Those initial feelings of being lost, slightly panicked and pining are your brain seeking the familiar.
However as time goes on and these new pathways are repeated and become the new norm you slowly think of the past less and less as the new pathways take over.

Thanks everyone - I know all that can help is time and wish it would speed up I miss him and love him but I'm not going to beg. I know where I stand

Do you have kids? If not, just cut contact 100%. Block everywhere. Delete messages, throw away old photos or love letters or give them to a friend for safekeeping for the foreseeable. Chuck sentimental gifts from them, or put them in storage somewhere. Basically remove all traces of them from your life, and make it so that they can’t call or message you, emails go to junk.

Then start really enjoying your life. Get to know your area, make new friends, start a hobby, attend a local group, study (for free on sites like FutureLearn), pick up voluntary work, attend things that interest you, check Facebook for free local events that seem interesting, do a bit of exercise even if it’s a walk every couple days. It’ll take your mind off it and help you build a new life that the ex has nothing to do with and you’ll quickly realise what a huge world it is and how many people are out there, which kinda puts things into perspective for me, realising that even though it hurts it does and will get better as long as you keep moving forwards and proactively making your life the best it can be.

Ruthless but it works. I’ve gotten over long term relationships within a matter of weeks with the above method.

Time heals eventually. I hope it doesn't take too long for you but you will move on.

Been apart for 7 months now.. no contact.. he is a functioning addict (clean during majority of our relationship I believe) it's been an on off relationship for several years.. I dislike the person he is while using, I've no doubt it will result in him dying far too prematurely but I can't move on.. even though even when not using he is far from perfect but I've loved him for over 6 years & I can't just stop.. as much as I've tried!! It has got easier & far less painful but I'm not in the slightest bit interested in meeting anyone else & moving on..

I'm sure in time I'll think about him less but my heart aches for the bad place he's in & will always wish I was enough for him to change his lifestyle!

First of all, stop fighting the feeling that you miss him. It's ok to feel like you miss him/the illusion of what you had/could have. Accept that you will miss that for a while and consciously make an effort to focus on yourself each morning when you get up.

It's taken me 6 months to reach rock bottom and start picking myself back up. But I saw him 2 nights ago and for the first time, I just didn't care what he thought. And the mutual friend who took his side and blocked me on everything tried to ask how I'm doing - she got told not to speak to me again. I don't need the drama in my life, I'll stick with the real friends.

Some great reassurance here well done to those strong ones! He's just turned into this strange person going wild with all these girls, never would have imagined it in all my years

Fab advice @CrystalShark; have screenshot that, thanks!

It's really hard but I am trying to work on myself focus on being happy

It just takes time - you cant rush it. Keep yourself busy find new hobbies and activities and new friends. Treat yourself and focus on looking after yourself. Read self help books. Recognise that sometimes you’ll have bad days but look forward not back