Ending a relarionshop when you don't know if it's the right thing to do

[WomanlyWanderer]

We have been together for 11 years, not married and we have a child aged 6. We both love each other but for the relationship has been on the rocks for a long time. I can't bear to be physically intimate with him and we hardly spend any time together. But he is my first and only proper relationship, the father of my child and the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. I am unhappy being with him, my mental health is suffering and I have lost a lot of weight. But I'm scared leaving is the wrong thing to do. I'm not scared of being alone but I'm scared of losing him because he and our child are my family. I have been trying to ignore it and trying to get over it but I can't. Would relationship counselling help? Has anyone ever ended a relationship in similar circumstances and what happened?

Sorry for the many typos and bad grammar. I'm in a bit of a state.

You can't bear to be physically intimate with him and you hardly spend any time together. Separating sounds like the best plan, for both your sakes. You can co-parent your child amicably, and will probably get on better when you're not trying to pretend to be in a happy-ever-after relationship.

Couples counselling will only help if both of you want to make it work. It doesn't sound like that's what you want, as you are so unhappy.

Thank you favourite. I needed to hear it from someone else.

I knew I didn’t really love my ex any more and wasn’t that bothered about not being with him. But I was so scared of the unknown and scared of making such a huge decision for mine and my children’s lives, so I clung onto our relationship for as long as I could.
When I found out he was cheating on me it was a huge relief for the decision to be made for me.
I honestly didn’t miss him at all from day one, probably because it was over a long time ago, and I’m happier now than I’ve ever been.

Relate or private counselling is good. If you know Hand on heart it's over then finish it but if there a tiny minute chance then do a few sessions of therapy as lots of issues can b sorted n relationships better than ever! Sometimes we just need guidance on how. I went for a few sessions of counselling with my daughters father even though I knew it was over I just wanted to know 100% that I tried n gave it my all and I could tell my child this when she asks when she is older. Ultimately I think if u are having second thoughts then you should try counselling as last resort if there is a little love left and you have a child. Take your time. G luck xx

Counselling would help you untangle what’s in your head. It’s hard when you’re in this position especially if you don’t have close relatives to turn to. But you have to make up your own mind what you want from life. Good luck.

Counselling will help you, even if it is the thing that gives you the confidence to leave him and go it alone.

Thank you all for the advice and opinions. Sorry for my lack of response I'm thinking a lot and I appreciate every answer

“We both love each other but for the relationship has been on the rocks for a long time. I can't bear to be physically intimate with him and we hardly spend any time together.”

OP - no relationship, however much love is there, is going to survive the above. Lack of quality time together and intimacy will erode love, and will introduce resentment, distrust, hostility and arguments.
But - counselling really can help untangle the resentment, see how you have both got yourself to this place, and see if there is a chance you can find your way out. I think that if you would rather find each other again than part, then it has to be worth trying? The worst that can happen is it doesn’t repair the damage done. But even then you will at least know.