I think i hate myself

[Noselfconfidenceatall]

I just need someone to.talk to about this as I am becoming dangerously self destructive. I'm in a new relationship after 14 years of marriage and 3 DC's the pregnancies took a huge toll on my body over the years and due to working long hours over the years I haven't managed to get my body back to how it was (I understand most women with dc have this problem) however when I started dating again I did get some confidence back when getting male attention and felt actually good for a change and appealing and attractive and I started taking more time to dress nice etc. Now I'm in a relationship I've lost all the confidence again , I keep questioning why is he with me , i look like an old frumpy mum tbh and I hate looking in the mirror I pick out every single flaw. I drink way too much to drown out my self hate . My dp just offered to treat me to go to the hairdressers and I just had a melt down , he must think I've lost the plot , he hugged me and said not to worry about it but he still loves me even when im in one of these self destruct moods. My hair is so thin it's only going to look.beneficial if it's all chopped off , I'm not ready for that yet and I certainly hate looking in the mirror when they are cutting it . He is only trying to help as he sees I spend all my money and free time on keeping everyone else happy and content , I never spend money on myself , hate clothes shopping hate anything that involves the focus being on me and my body,

Sorry for going on and it's probably really boring , I will explain all this to a gp although all my gp's are men and I don't think they get it tbh. I've recently had a blood test saying my B12 levels are low I'm not sure if that's affecting anything . Just needed to get it out , after him mentioning the hairdressers and I just cried after to myself thinking why ? Why bother ? Why spend money on me I'm not worth shit , i will.still look shit so what's the point in sitting there feeling shit about looking shit ?? I must sound crazy but this is affecting me daily and I'm.worried it's all going to blow up one day 😒

Bloody hell. If I don't take a vitamin B supplement every day then I am a basket case. B12 is affected by drinking too much too. It gets seriously depleted. Start taking a good B-Complex daily for starters. Mood and energy levels are massively affected by B deficiency, especially in some people. Your self esteem needs work. I am very similar but try very hard to look at the positives in my appearance since I have got older. I am trying to love myself a bit (still drink too much though)

No one likes looking in the hairdressers mirror even after it’s done imo - especially not during! The lights are sooooo unflattering

Oh OP, you really need to be kinder to yourself We all have those days where we feel shit about ourselves, but you won't find ONE woman out there that loves the way they look - not even the Kardashians, even they have to photoshop

I used to be very self critical of myself and went to CBT. I started my sessions not even realising how much I bullied myself! I finished the sessions feeling sad and sorry for how I used to treat myself and now I'm much much happier. Don't get me wrong, I still have so many things I'd love to change about myself but that's just a girl thing, we'll never be happy.

One exercise I was taught during CBT is to make a note of every single nice thing someone said to me during the day. 'That won't take long!' I scoffed to my counsellor. But by the end of the week, the list was so long. It made me realise how I had tuned out to any compliments being made and purely focused on the negatives. The fact your partner is so loving towards you can be number 1. And here's one from me: your perfect as you are.

'Talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love' xxx

I take my glasses off at the hairdressers - can't see a darn thing!

I do think you need some help OP - this sense of having no self-worth is dreadful and characteristic of depression. See you GP again please - get some advice about the Vit B; and also where you might find counselling for your loss of self-esteem. I know you feel he will not understand - but he doesn't have to understand; he just has to do the right things and take the right steps to get you on the path to recovery.

I am sorry you are going through this just now, but it will pass.

Thanks for the replies im.actuallu crying listening to this , luckily dp I'd very very understanding even just tickled me to try and get me to snap out of it , I'm pointing to the B12 also , I've felt very tired and can't be arsed to nearly everyday stuff , I'm.worried it will affect my job now so I'm going to push them on the phone that it's seriously affecting my mh as my gp will prob just ask for a repeat blood test , prob wait till I..virtually bedbound before giving me help , I've been complaing to my GP and fatigue and hairloss and anxiety for over a year , he did refer me to.councelling but that was for my marriage breakdown and anxiety not for this self hatedness

We all feel shot about ourselves as we get older. Beauty comes from within after a certain age. So just be nice and helpful to everyone, and that’ll do fine 😁