Ex puts new gf before our DD

[RLEOM]

I say new gf, he was having an emotional affair with her as soon as our daughter was born a year ago and has put his relationship with her above our daughter ever since.

I recently found out he's got no more days off from work as he's used them all up to spend time with his gf, not a single one was used to spend time with our DD, who he claims to love and adore. He sees our daughter EOW yet likes to make out I'm the bad guy for making him an absent parent because I walked out when DD was 3 months (I had PND and could see they were having an EA but didn't act as my head was a mess and I believed his lies that nothing was going on 🙄).

I don't know what I'm expecting from this thread but it's eating me up inside that he would put a woman above his own child. I try my best to be understanding but I don't understand this. He used to preach that he'd never cheat on me, that he never wants to be an absent dad, that his mum would never let him leave me even he wanted to (yet she encouraged him to not try and get back with me and to focus on his affair partner).

As far fetched as it sounds, I feel traumatised by everything he's done, and the more he does wrong, the more I hurt.

I totally understand why you feel like this but you’ve got to try and disengage. I’d suggest find a good counsellor who can help you. You need to focus on your relationship with your DD. Focus that energy into being the best mum. If he’s a crap dad then that’s his loss. You can’t change or control what he does. It would be best if you are NC apart from seeing him for a few minutes at handover. You need to get to the point where you stop caring what he does or doesn’t do.

@donethinkin thank you. We don't chat at the door unless it's about DD. I guess I'm struggling with how he's presented himself as a person but is nothing like he makes out. For me, if I barely saw my daughter, every bit of holiday I have I'd use seeing her. I guess my daughter doesn't mean much to him? That's what hurts.

Of course it hurts you, but the reality is that this is the situation you find yourself in. Its hard for you to process how he could not want to spend every spare moment with your beautiful baby.
However you must try not to let it cause you pain and sadness, he is who he is. You enjoy your baby and dont give him the head space any more. Its his loss, not yours.

Hang in there. I had this with my ExH. I left him and was cast as the scarlet women and within a week he had OW staying over in my house it’s taken 4 years he told people he was bankrupt etc and now people are starting to see him for what he is he also puts the OW first her her children before his own. He took me to court for a arrangement order he stuck with it all of 6 months now he only has them EOW and never been to the DC schools for anything but goes to her DC stuff all the time.

The way I learnt with it is to let it go you will feel so much better and your DD will soon learn what her DF is like.

Same situation here. The advice above sounds pretty good to me. It’s taking me ages to process and stop feeling like it’s somehow my fault that my DD dad has so little part in her life. I’m still working on accepting that this is how it is and there is little I can do about what he does. I know I can only be the best mum I can. It IS confusing though, so hard to understand why.