Have I done the right thing

[Magneticred]

I posted in sn teenagers but I thought I'd post here for traffic as I'm so lost right now.
I feel like an awful parent. Ds2 is 14 nearly 15. He has severe adhd ocd anxiety sensory issues and social communication issues. He is under camhs his Dr and adhd nurse at camhs say it's clear he has autism, as has other medical professionals we have met. He has been through the ados assessment 3 times since the age of 7 and never comes out with an asd diagnosis camhs can't understand why. He was severely bullied in mainstream primary to the point I threatened police action and social services. I know that seems drastic but I was trying to contact the lea and was being passed from dept to dept and ended up blurting it all out to a SW. She told me what to say to school and to contact her if the bullying continued.

Since then he has been agressive towards his siblings it was low level pushing and digs but it's esclated. He has privileges taken away and I've spoken to him repeatedly about it. It never seems to sink in. I asked camhs for help after a major meltdown where he bit me pulled my hair and punching me put his hand on my throat. I made an emergency appointment at camhs he told them he wanted to hurt himself for what he had done. They said I need to be strict with him over this and the fact he steals from home and referred him to complex needs and a week before he was due to see them I got a call saying they wouldn't be able to see him as he doesn't have learning difficulties or an asd diagnosis.

I contacted an autism charity and explained everything we are now on a waiting list to see a private consultant. I'm desperate to get him the help he needs.

Tonight I had to call the police he threw a toy at 1 of his younger siblings I had to get her checked out but thankfully it didn't need hospital treatment. They are coming to assess him in a few days to see if he is a risk to anyone in the house. He knows I've called them he knows they are going to visit him. They said they have marked down the assault and if it happens again he will be charged.
We have an appointment with camhs before the police are due to visit I will tell them everything.

I'm scared I will lose him I'm scared he won't get the help he needs. I need to protect others from him hurting them. I don't know if I've done the right thing or not.

Well done on booking the private consultant. I hope you get a result that helps.

It sounds to me that you're doing exactly the right things- his feelings can't come before the safety of your DD, so you had to do something.

Having called the police will also help get the authorities to take your concerns seriously and act on them.

I don't see that you could've handled it in any way better than you have, but I'm not an expert. Just sending you hugs and best wishes xxxxx

Thank you for the reply. I feel so torn right now I need to protect the others he says he's sorry and he didn't mean to hurt her. He's been quiet ever since it's happened I've explained what the police have said he looked so scared and he's accepted what he has done is wrong. I've kept a record of all the times he's hurt the others and when he has stolen and will give it to camhs monday.

I ‘d say you have done the right thing and hope your DS gets the help he needs. You have to protect your other children. Good luck. You sound a very good mum but i cant imagine how tough it must be for you

Thank you. He's been very withdrawn today he has apologised repeatedly and said he is scared. He has tried so hard to control himself I have a DD with ADHD odd and sensory issues she has had a bad day and he has been her main target calling him an idiot and stupid. She's lost screen time for it but he kept his cool and didn't retaliate like he normally would or tell her off when she was shouting. I told him I was proud of him for it I want him to know I still recognise when he makes a good choice and I don't see him as a bad kid just 1 who's lost and struggling to make the right choices.

The DC he hurt has been very clingy with him he went pale when he saw her this morning and looked ready for bursting into tears he said sorry again and she kept telling him she was ok and wanting him to colour with her. I'm hoping it's a turning point but with problems in the past I can't say 100 that I think this will last but I'm praying it will.

I want him to realise the violence is wrong I want him to stop hurting people. I'm scared he will end up in prison if he goes down this path any further. I have told hIm this. I also told him I want to protect them all but I can't put 1 before all the others and I would do the same if it was one of the others doing what he has done.