It this in my mind?

[30male]

First post.

Long story. Married 2 kids I love my wife but over time she is less and less I interested in spending time with me. Iv tried a number of things to get her to spend time with me just us without kids. Even after they go to bed she goes to bed or does anything else really. She goes to her parents every Saturday while I’m out to be fair and Iv asked her to come home around 8 ish so kids fall asleep and we can sit together maybe spend time together so we may want to sleep together but every time she gets back at like 9:30 sits with me for half out and goes to bed.

Sex is the same really we sleep together but only if I make a move or make it obvious even then she didn’t like it if I try and do something romantic and only if she has had a shower first and me then get in bed etc etc then by that time I’m a bit like may as well put it in diary. She sleeps with me but I no sometimes it’s just coz she thinks she should I’m sure of it and I hate that coz I really love her. What does everyone think?

What does she say when you talk to her about this?

Does she work? Have friends? What is her health and fitness like, is she getting exercise regularly?

Does she have a history of depression, anxiety, anything like that?

Also how old is she, how long since she was last pregnant/breastfeeding, and does she use hormonal contraception?

we can sit together maybe spend time together so we may want to sleep together

I think this is at the heart of your problem.

You should be doing more together.full stop. Not just hoping you can spend a Saturday eve together in hopes you can have sex together.

This is not what its about.

You can't have sex together if you're not having fun doing anything together can you?

I think you have my deepest sympathy and please don't think you are the only person in this situation. I sometimes feel so far down my wife's list of priorities it physically hurts. We do great childcare. We manage our finances. Juggle and sort or responsibilities. We're friendly and amicable and I'm sure people looking at us think we're in a good solid marriage. She likes having me around but she doesn't need or want me physically any more. Not in the way I need and want her still after 20 years. I'm so lonely.

Your spot on but she don’t want to Iv tried I’m just not on her list of things she wants to do I suppose.

rvby

What does she say when you talk to her about this? (Not a lot just she does I’m busy I want time on my own aswel)

Does she work? (2 days a week) Have friends? (A few and her sister who is similar age) What is her health and fitness like, (fairly good health has had post natal depression after are last baby) is she getting exercise regularly? (No but I have encouraged her to go gym she is lucky as in she is very slim and naturally healthy looking)

Does she have a history of depression, anxiety, anything like that? (She has had post natal)
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How old are the kids? Are they still waking in the night? If so, she's probably too knackered to prioritise your relationship for the moment. Do you get up with the kids some mornings to give her a lie in?

Our oldest is autistic and is awake very very late so I stay up with her and then get up and go to work my wife gets 9/10 hours sleep each night obviously not always as we have kids but More often than not she always said Iv always felt tired she has been to a doctors but they never do anything if offer advice. Then when we do get kids to sleep she would rather then watch something on her phone than sit with me or even go to sleep and catch up at least then I would see a good reason for her not to sit with me.