Soon to be single. Help me plan for the loneliness please .

[orinoccoflow]

As title suggests , my husband is leaving us in a matter of weeks. I dread the evenings and the loneliness of free time . Can I ask for suggestions, to help me plan for this . I’m open to any new or weird or wonderful hobbies and pastimes . I would also love to earn a bit of cash from home as things will be tight . Thanks

I'm sorry your relationship is ending, that's always horrible, but the world is now your oyster. Depends on what your interests are though - join a tennis club, night class, day class, meet up group, see more of friends, get involved in a community group...
Bake lots. Walk lots. Learn a new skill...
Hope you enjoy your freedom

Oh and on the money making front, sell stuff on shpock, gumtree and/or ebay

Thanks for reply . My evenings will be mainly home based as my children’s ill
Be with me
Mostly but after bedtime I do worry and then the free evenings and weekends too. I love the idea of putting some
Time into
Myself again eg skin, hair and beauty care as I’ve let myself go and my skin is destroyed due to stress . However the days of the weekly salon visits for
One thing or another are coming close to an end due to money. Any suggestions here .

I’m so sorry.

Maybe a first step could be redesigning a simpler, cheaper, healthier lifestyle.

Cooking more from scratch, growing your own food, learning to mend and adjust or alter clothes, rethinking housework to use fewer harsh cleaners and more natural or homemade ones, walking and cycling more...

Take some time to rest, consider, and process your loss, then I hope you enjoy the new you.

Thank you. Right now I feel utterly drained and feel every day of my age.

@orinocoflow

Same position here..... Wondering what I will do when the kids are in bed.

Like the idea of a new healthy lifestyle
cooking from scratch...

And giving my skin some love. It's an organ of the body after all!!!

Cook what you fancy for tea, stretch out with the bed to yourself. Sit up in bed reading as late as you want, be in charge of the remote control. Sit about with a face mask on eating chocolate, drinking wine or whatever you enjoy. You will be fine

Why do you assume you will be lonely?

I love living alone, I can do what I want when my door is shut.

I've made lots of friends and have joined loads of social clubs. I also sell dollshouses I make on top of my full time job. I buy cheap ones on ebay, put them together and paint them then sell them. Xmas time is busy.

I really feel for you and remember feeling similar when Xh and I split. I got myself in an absolute state the first time the dcs went to him. I just did not know what to do with myself. It felt so weird.

Fast forward 10 years and I've done some courses, picked up several qualifications, joined a book group, a women's network, gone back to work and made some great friends and met a dp. We've travelled all over the world. We don't live together - we might some day but there's no rush.

An evening to myself now is a Pilates workout, a glass of wine, a Netflix box set, early night with a book or a friend popping over. I often have work projects to finish and do these with some relaxing music on. I've always got WhatsApp chats on the go. I never really feel lonely.

I totally reclaimed my space when xh left. Painted the house, changed some furniture and got his energy out.

You will be ok. It will only get better from here.

Dollshouse kits that is, you can get £20 ones and sell them for £100 easily.
Also do sewing, knitting, crochet in the evening. You can sell those too.
I'm always busy.

It's far less lonely being alone than in an unhappy relationship. Honestly.

You sound so positive and like this is an opportunity, such a refreshing take on things! Wish I felt how you do and that I was dealing with this as well.

I live alone and mainly I love it but I think the key is recognising which times of the week are worst for you in terms of loneliness.

For example I absolutely love waking up in my own place on a Saturday morning but Sunday nights I feel really upset sometimes. I plan for it by arranging a skype call with my sister or getting some nice food in or whatever.

Agree with PPs--reclaim your life. You'll probably find you won't be as lonely as you think.

As for making money from home...this thread is very popular.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3680934-september-earn-10-a-day-thread

Thank you. I will look at that thread and maybe post what I think I might be good at.i am An outgoing person who loves company and am Not used to being on my own for twenty years so I expect that I will
Find it hard at first .

What’s lonelier than being with someone who doesn’t want to be there? I can’t see how you’re having nice times with your H if he’s going to leave - essentially he’s just another body in the house. There’s a real liberation in being alone/left to your own devices in the evenings! Watch what you want, stay up too late, go to be at 8 and read, paint your nails, put on face masks, have a gin on a Tuesday or spend Saturday night playing games on your phone with a cup of tea....and nobody, NOBODY!, disapproving or wanting attention or needing anything. It’s joyous! You’ll love it!

Aw thanks so much x I love aromatherapy and I wouldn’t
Mind studying more in that area aswell as making face and body products for myself, family and friends. I’m
Worried about money and I’m upset that he’s broken us as a couple and as a family . Still no more walking on eggshells . There is comfort in the familiar, however.

During the week I have an hour with Netflix or a book and then a bubble bath. Sometimes there is a tub of ice cream with Netflix.
Weekends I always have a movie night with the kids one night (with popcorn or a takeaway) so really lazy and lots of cuddles, and a pamper another night (face Pack, hair mask, home mani-pedi, etc.) We squeeze a roast dinner and a family outing in somewhere, even if it's just going to the park or whatever as well as housework and some relaxing. I will sometimes get a hair or beauty treatment out but don't really have time, and the free time I do have I waste on the internet or taking my time over a mug of something, or some ice cream. Many years ago I was asked what self care looks like to me and I said "face packs and ice cream" and I'm not sure I've moved on much since then, but face packs and ice cream is a pretty great way to spend time. I mean drinking cocktails with friends is better, on a beach on holiday even better, but I get a little piece of that at home with my face packs and ice cream, wedged in between paying bills and washing dishes, a little slither of me time, and I'm happy with that.

The only reason people fear loneliness is because we have put a negative label on it, as though it’s a bad thing.

I think it was Pema Chodron that said loneliness is a form of contentedness. It’s a state that once you think about it in a positive way, you can then view it as the ultimate freedom to be yourself and to live life in the way it was made to be lived.

OP being by yourself is not necessarily a bad thing, in fact it’s quite the opposite.

Don’t expect too much of yourself. That much stress is exhausting. For a few weeks I slept a lot, then gradually I did things to the house I had wanted to do for ages. Changed the colour of rooms, moved things around. Time spent on me, read a lot, it’s all part of the healing process.

Ironically , I wish I was in your position. I am just biding my time until I can live seperately.
Do you really think you will miss him being around ? Would you not relish the idea that he is gone ? It cant have been very easy living together so far.
Definitely think the advice you are getting is the way you should go.

If you're broad minded, consider webcamming. It can be extremely lucrative and you don't even have to leave your own bedroom. Send me a PM if you want recommendations of sites.

I struggled with weekends for a good while. That was 4 years ago. Within that 4 years I have repainted the house, moved rooms around, joined a site called “borrow my doggy” and started walking other people’s dogs. I have made a really good friend from this. I took up a musical instrument and from that my social life boomed and I have met some rather gorgeous men in the process as I could talk about music and get to see lots of gigs. Today my life is so different. I did feel lonely at first and knew it would pass. Loneliness has turned into chosen aloneness. I absolutely love living and being on my own. I have 3 gentleman friends who I date regularly but my choice is to just date, the thought of having someone living with me now is not an option. Thankfully the men I date also live by themselves and are not interested in living together or getting married. You will find your way in life without your husband but it will be on your terms only. I can honestly say I have never felt happier or freer in my life. The irony is, the man who left me suddenly for a younger model is still contacting me wanting to try again. I couldn’t think of anything worse!!

I find weekends quite hard ( no kids and very few friends). I haven't spoken to anyone since Wednesday (I work three long days mon-weds) and I won't until Monday morning.

Sometimes I manage to se people and get out and about but find the constant finding things to do very tiring.

Yesterday I went on a 14 mile fell walk just to keep busy. Today my legs are destroyed and it's raining so I'm already wondering how I will fill the day.

Sorry that turned very whiny!

There isn't anything wrong with admitting you are lonely.

I am not long out of a long marriage and I am lonely sometimes. I was lonely in my marriage towards the end but its a different type of loneliness.

I think you need to allow yourself a period of adjustment. I have got a few friends. My really good friends are not close enough to socialise with though so I am a bit stuck locally.

I think its harder with children because you can't just go out and recreate a social life. DD is a teen but I don't feel able to do much in the evenings because she is getting used to the fact it is just me and her. She rarely stays with XH which is another factor.

I am sure that a couple of years down the line things will be different for all of us.