Anyone else's otherwise good mother jealous of their friendships?

[SheldonsLegs]

I'm mid 30s, and since my late teens have been aware that my mum has always been a bit competitive with my friends. Quite quick to put them down, clearly feels I prioritise them too much and family too little. I think I have quite a "normal" balance (but then I would, wouldn't I?). She also hated it when I left home and has been a bit jealous of boyfriends at times too. It fairly frequently leaves me feeling a bit trapped and sick, although it's fairly subtle. She is otherwise a very lovely, dedicated mum.
Does anyone else have this, and if so how do you handle it?

No not really although my best friend's mum was jealous of my friendship with her and criticised me to her behind my back. It upset me and ultimately caused probs in our friendship. The woman was evil though.

I've never heard of this kind of behaviour - where do you think this stems from? Does she have a full and fulfilling social life herself, or does she reply on you for company?

My mother is sweet, gentle and well-meaning, but a people-pleaser to the extent that she can’t say no to anyone and regards the phone ringing as a summons — she will leap up in the middle of dinner to answer a call she can see from Caller ID is from an ex-colleague who just phones to moan for an hour, and stand there saying ‘Yes’ and ‘Really?’ for an hour while her dinner goes cold on the table. She makes herself so ‘invisible’ she hasn’t a true friend in the world and doesn’t understand why.

I learned from this in my teens and grew up assertive and with decent boundaries. I have good, lasting friendships, despite moving internationally a lot, and yes, I think my mother is baffled and resentful about that. You can see her watching when someone phones me at an inconvenient time and I say ‘Can’t talk now — can I call you tomorrow after nine?’ and wondering why behaviour she thinks is ‘not nice’ wins me friends while her standing listening and hungry for an hour doesn’t.

But she also has odd ideas about group friendships — she thinks female group friendships are for going out together to bag a man, and that you should retreat into your marriage once you are married, and not let your friends encroach on your husband. He, of course, gets to go to the pub with the lads, because ‘men are different, aren’t they?’

I know how you feel.
My mum is amazing and probably my best friend but as soon as I become friends with somebody (not that it happens very ofter) she will make digs about them, roll her eyes if we are in friends company and generally make it awkward.
If she finds out I'm going out with a friend/friends without her she will sulk and guilt trip me (even guilt tripped my friends before) for an invite.
She has also turned up to a private birthday party one friend and I had been invited to after I told her it was invite only and private. There where lots of old colleagues there who I was looking forward to catching up with but she ambushed the table I ws sat on and took over the conversations.
Drives me crazy and makes me angry at times but I love her, she's amazing and always does everything she can for us kids. It's just that she has no other friends except me to socialise with. She does make the effort with people but is always used and dumped by people she thought were friends.

My mother is very like this but our relationship is very unhealthy and all consuming. I've never really been able to be my own person and she's always very critical of my friends and doesn't want me to have them round alot. In my own home! As an adult living at home I was only allowed to have people over for a coffee on two occasions and both occasions resulted in her declaring she didn't like them and they wouldn't be welcome back.

My mum was very much like this (she died 8 years ago) If a friend came round , she would practically pin them to the sofa with questions or snidey remarks. I was never allowed to take them to my bedroom to chat ('what do you want to go up there for?') and she was just so grudging and umwelcoming and disapproving that I prefered to go to friends houses instead. Friends were always referred to as 'that kid' or if we had a boyfriend (heaven forbid!) 'that lad.'
When I had my DC they were allowed to have their friends over, they were made welcome, and my mum would stare in disbelief if she was there! She and my Dad always sucked up to anyone they thought had wealth or status, but they had no time or interest for anyone else. My mum was definitely jealous of us when we started getting boyfriends and could be very spiteful. O god that's a whole other story! Sorry for hi-jacking OP.