What should i do?

[PatKelly]

Hi. I’m 42 and left my exH 6 years ago. Been with new partner for 3 years. Have 2 DC, 15 and 11.
I work full time, have my own house and car and work hard plus overtime.
My Mum died last year and since then, my partner has lived here. He’s in and out of work and currently not contributing to any bills etc.
He’s very loving and affectionate and we get on well when we’re togther and I’ve never had that with anybody before... but I can’t shake the fact that I didn’t want to live with anybody again and the fact that I’m working super hard and he is just in between jobs.
I know it’s obvious that I need to kick him out, when I see this written down.... but I am putting it off and not sure what I should do.
I guess I’m just after somebody to tell me what I should do... or what they would do in this circumstance.
I read messages on here about Violent partners and awful affairs and think my issues aren’t as bad as that.... but I feel a bit stuck and need a hand!

Well done OP! Being single is great for so many reasons. Here's to your happy future

I liked the “you’re depressed my arse” lol 😂
Just keeping busy to keep my mind off it. Feels like a weight has been lifted, even though he thinks he’s coming back tonight!

Ive bought a new lock for my door from Screwfix. I feel sad that it’s com wot this and a bit angry with myself that I’ve allowed it to happen. Onwards and upwards I suppose! :)

All fitted ok?

You've made massive steps forward. Be proud of yourself. And don't let him back in when he reappears!

Well done, OP .

Do you feel strong enough to ignore/tell him to bugger off if he tries to waltz in later on tonight? What's your plan for that?

I feel strong enough to speak to him if he comes round tonight and explain he needs to take his things. I’ve had time to think about this and I have finally had enough. The things that really upset me (lack of work, not paying his way, he believes that “I’m spoilt” as he makes me some toast for breakfast!
I don’t honk I had the bravery to stick to it until now. My Mams death last year was an awful stage. But I cannot keep a man and pay for all the bills myself while he sleeps in my bed and isn’t an equal partner

I'd have his things packed (bin-bagged) ready for him.

He does have a key. He has some clothes here and a toothbrush but only one backpack full

Moving in by stealth then.....

Send him back to mummy.

He doesn't bring anything positive to your life.

I want to be single again. Tells you all you need to know. Just do it.

He’s just left. He came round at 8 and came in and watched tv as if we hadn’t had any discussion earlier. I brought up the subject of what I meant.
He said he only missed a few months of paying.... and he’s done verytging for me and the kids....
that he still considers me as his one and he will love me forever. He said I should tell the kids that he loves them too.
He got all of his stuff (except one big thing that takes him and a friend to lift) and he has just gone. I forgot about the key (as I’ve bought new locks today) and he’s gone out the front door and locked it behind him! (I left the old lock on as I knew he would come round tonight).
Operation lock change now!
I did feel awful when he was listing the things he’s done....
But I also told him I’ve paid for holidays, days out, and everything for months as he hasn’t. I told him I can’t afford to pay for everything and carry him.
Feel better now he’s left with his stuff.
God... what a day!

At least he's gone. Onwards and upwards

Well done OP. Expect him to try and come back at least another twice, the sponger. I don't know how he can have any self respect. Stay strong!

He’s been messaging and asking if I need a hug, or asking if I want anything bringing round. I’ve replied and said no thanks, I’m fine.
The house is so quiet and I’m not used to my own company.... but I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I find I have more time to do stuff :)
I’ve never felt like this before.... like I literally don’t want to meet anybody. It’s a pretty liberating feeling! Lol :)

Consider blocking him. Glad you're doing well

Go you, PatKelly, and well done 👏🏾

OMG, PatKelly, well done!

So sorry for your loss too .

I know exactly what you mean about the freedom of not wanting to meet anyone and being happy alone - it's so liberating. the best years are ahead of you

Well done op, good for you. So glad you've talked about it and realised that he was actually free loading. It wasnt an equal relationship in any means. I hope you enjoy your freedom and dependence.