Not strong enough to go NC (trigger warning for abuse)

[darkriver19886]

For the last 13 months I have been in therapy unpacking my traumatic childhood. From a young age until I was 16 years old I was sexually abused by stepfather and emotionally abused and neglected by my mother. (Social services did become involved but failed to do anything)

When I was 17 I reported my SF to the police. My mum took his side and actually made a statement against me stating I couldn't be trusted because of my memory issues.

And now at the age of 31 I am living with a crippling mental illness that has had a devastating impact on my life.

Two years ago I found out that she knew along the abuse was happening as there was a psychiatrist report made when I was ten stating he was confident I had been abused. I found out this after an assessment.

7 years ago she even remarried my abuser and had the nerve to ask to me bridesmaid. I said no. When I got married two years later she refused to come to my wedding because he wasn't invited.

It's been 14 years of rejections. 14 years of this push and pull rubberbanding.

Tonight I rang her for unknown reason. She didn't seem concerned about me at all and was all about herself.

Now I am sat here going why can't I let her go. She doesn't care but I still feel like that young girl desperate for a mum who is never going to be what I want.

I fear if I go NC I will losing my siblings. They are all I have left of the tatters that is my family.

Delete her number
Delete all emails or forms of contact.
Her shame and guilt does not belong to you. If your siblings rejects you then it's not worth having them in your life. Start a new life on your own. Water is purer than blood, which means rather than focus on the physical side focus on the quality of the relationship.

Go NC, I did with my narc mother and finally ended the pain of longing for the mother she can never be

I'm sorry you have been treated like this by your mother, mothers standing by the abuser is surprisingly common and not at all your fault.

How is the relationship with your siblings? Are they supportive about the abuse?

Unfortunately your mother is never going to change, I do understand that need for a mother figure but she will never be that person. I think continuing contact with her will continue to rip old wounds open.

How is the relationship with your siblings? Are they supportive about the abuse?

My older sister, who was adopted out of the family before I was born and found when I was 21, 100% believes me. I spent ages convinced that she didn't.

The rest either don't or struggle to accept it.

My therapist has hugely allowed me to see that the abuse wasn't my fault and she should have stood by me.

I have spent half an hour going through my facebook and removed everyone on that side and also blocked her. I am not sure how to feel but, I know this the right decision.

I am so sorry to read this. I am sorry that you had to live through these experiences. You deserved so much better. Well done for taking this positive action.

I've been thro this. I lost the lot of them and they are STILL hostile to me for living openly with and talking about the abuse.

Watch for a massive emotional crash now you've done it.

Practically, no more ups and downs equals a better life, but emotionally it's a huge disappointment and sadness.

But I learned that I'd never had any chance of changing how they were and trying to change it was akin to a stick woman trying to push a boulder uphill.

And years after I'd left, their lives were still full of angst and unresolved stuff, whereas my healing and therapy had changed my life for the better hugely xxx

Hugs to you as you navigate this. Maximise friends now and positive growth. I blog on healing from child abuse and run a Facebook page for it if you are interested xxx

So sorry that your mum failed to protect you.

I have an abusive mum too. I have been NC with her for10+ years,my life has been much happier and calm without her constant dramas to deal with. The turning point for me was becoming a mum myself, I would never dream of subjecting my DS’ to such emotional abuse. It does make me sad that she is not the loving mum I would love her to be.

You can change your life OP, it’s hard because people in your family will take sides. But you deserve to be happy and keeping in touch with a mum that has let you down in the worse imaginable way will never bring you happiness.

You are so brave and I wish you all the best as you continue your recovery.

Hugs to you as you navigate this. Maximise friends now and positive growth. I blog on healing from child abuse and run a Facebook page for it if you are interested If you would like to send me a link thats fine. I blog about my mental health.

Thank you, everyone.

My site is at elhenderson.co.uk

What's yours called?