DHs response to everything: "I don't know."

[Happybumday]

I'm fed up of this stock response to everything I ask him.

This evening I explained that my Gran has asked to see us tomorrow whilst we have a few other potential commitments. I've asked DH what he should want to plan to do as a family.
"I don't know."
I've then said I'm getting fed up of this automatic reponse to everything and that I need him to contribute to our family life. He sulkily took himself upstairs for a bath without a word.

This is his reponse to even important things like finances, big decisions, holidays etc. He is laid back in general but also quite stubborn. If I were to make a decision, he would undoubtedly have a problem with it and challenge my decision and yet, when I try to involve him he just "doesn't know."

When I asked him why he hadn't been honest with me when there was a problem with our finances, this was his response. If I ask him if he wants to separate or stay together, this is his reponse.

I want to shake him.

What's wrong with him?!

I cant answer what's wrong with him, neither can I offer advice how to get him to say anything more to you

What I can say is, he is attempting to stonewall you and has checked out is how this appears from your post.

He could be depressed or overwhelmed.
Has he always been like this?Is he too lazy to have an opinion? Or do you feel like he’s emotionally checked out of the relationship/ family life?

I would say that he is too lazy to have an opinion on many things, I'd say he is also tired and overwhelmed with his work.

He has also admitted to sitting on the fence to avoid having to make decisions which are then "wrong." Some perfectionist type issues I would say.

He also says "I don't know" where anything emotional is discussed as he can't seem to deal with it.

I would sit on the fence to avoid being 'wrong' when I had suppressed my decision making process because my choice was always wrong. That isn't to say that it is you that has done that to him. For me it was my mum. I either gave the answer that I knew she wanted or I 'didn't know' what I wanted - which was really that I didn't know what she wanted.

Did he have a parent or a previous partner that was like that?

I couldn't stand that. It would be the end for me. He doesn't know if you should stay together or not? He's checked out of your relationship and doesn't care any more.
I'd not waste any more time with him. You could have a good life without him.

He’s stonewalling you, which is a form of emotional abuse.

He is also avoiding parts of family life and family responsibility.