DH's ex work colleague

[1morepieceofcake]

I'm not sure what to think about this...

DH and I know each other's passwords for our phones. My phone wasn't to hand so I used DH's. I noticed a text from a someone he used to work with. He mentioned her to me once when we first got together but his comments were negative about her so I didn't think they were friends outside of work. Years down the line, he has moved companies and has never mentioned her since. There were texts from her on his phone. Nothing sexual or suggestive. He initiated the most recent ones asking when she was free to meet up at lunchtime one day. It's not a business meeting because he doesn't work with her anymore and this was his personal number and he has a work phone for arranging anything business related.

There's so much pressure to be a 'cool wife' but I can't help feeling like he should at least mention this. What would you do/think? Should I just ask him about it and see what he says or wait and see if he mentions it when they set a date? My feeling is that he will say nothing, meet up with her and maybe delete the texts but won't ever mention her.

I feel annoyed that he has hidden his friendship with this woman when he has no need to as he has other female friends so I don't know why this one is different. I'm annoyed that he most likely lied about her to me in the beginning by telling me negative things about her and down playing their friendship to just being civil with each in work when this wouldn't have been true. Maybe I'm just looking into it more than I should.

Ask him.

If they are meeting soon, I'd ask him something about his plans for that day to see if he directly lies about it.

Yep I'd ask him about his plans that day and if he lies I'd say you have a problem.

As above.

Maybe he protested too much when he did mention her. Seems odd to stay in touch with someone you apparently don't like.

ExH used to talk about a woman at work, I never thought anything of it. I remember him telling me she was rough or something like that, definitely the impression I got. However I found messages between them, which weren't flirting but a definite tone and crossing the line. Turned out she was making a play for him and he was flattered. I'll never know if it was more. But it made me think differently about how he had described her to me, like it was said so I'd never suspect anything.

"Why do you have texts organising to meet up with a woman you told me you do not like and why is this the way I'm finding out about it?"
Who gives a shit about being a "cool wife", I'd just be straight up.

DH and I know each other's passwords for our phones. My phone wasn't to hand so I used DH's

Many of these threads seem to start like this and it’s clearly BS.
Just be honest and say you’re suspicious about something so checked his phone.

You’ll get better advice if people are aware of his behaviour that has led to your suspicions. What has made you check his phone?

I would straight out ask. It would torture me otherwise.

Any other signs of anything dodgy?