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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So it continues....

2 replies

babayjane67 · 04/10/2019 10:18

Hi all!
Have posted a few times about my dp.sorry I don't know how to link them up.
I'm not sure if it's just me being petty or him or what!
Lots of different things going on over time.we bicker alot often in front of our 11 yr old DD.he sometimes tells me to fuck off&I say it bk.
Have wondered if he's gaslighting me at times or whether it's just my memory as it is getting worse lately.my memory that is.
Anyway he's now decided he never wants a Sunday roast at home now as he doesn't wanna wash it up!
To give context if we are having a roast I always cook it,as I do all the meals,&he washes&wipes up after.
He does work alot of Sundays now&is home at different times but not usually later than 1.
The only time he ever washes up any day is if he's on a day off.he never does it when he's working never has.its usually left til I do it the next morn as i can't be bothered on a night time.he always used to wash&wipe up now though he usually only washes up&leaves the putting away to me to do later or next day.
Every time I've asked if he fancies a roast on Sunday last few weeks he always says no&when I ask why it's because he doesn't wanna wash up!
If I ask him to do anything round the house or anything really like going anywhere he won't do it unless HE wants to.
For example we bought a new kitchen unit the other wk&when he was off he put it together &tidied out drawers,cupboards etc.a few not all but if I'd asked him to do that he wouldn't unless HE wanted to!
I know I'm not exactly a domestic goddess&have never claimed to be.weve been together 12 yrs known each other 15.
He works hard &is on the whole supportive of whatever I wanna do,although Ive got chance of upping my hrs at the school I work at but he says I don't need to.it means DD has to be up alot earlier than she usually is&as she's usually difficult to wake up at usual time he doesn't think it's a good idea.i did the job before 3 yrs ago but had to stop as DD was getting really tired,coming out of school crying with a headache,not wanting tea,dosing her up with Calpol&being in bed by6 a couple of times.
We had a big barny few months bk when
I said things had to change.hes not demonstrative or very communicative at times.doesnt do small talk.things have changed a little bit but not much.hes still not demonstrative unless I instigate it.
I go from thinking I love him it'll be ok to I'm not sure I do love him or if we are gonna be ok.i worry about how it's gonna be once dd has flown the nest&it's just us!
Anyway I'm waffling now sorry!
Am I being petty?do I need to give it longer?
Dd is a daddy's girls always has been so she would be devastated if we broke up.
Thanks if u managed to read this far!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 04/10/2019 13:09

I've seen THIS BOOK recommended on here before.
May be worth a read?
Does he do his fair share of chores when he isn't working?
Have you discussed having counselling?

babayjane67 · 04/10/2019 18:48

Thanks for the recommendation will take a look.
No he doesn't unless it's something HE wants to do. Although to be fair I asked him to put the vacuum round on Wed as he was off&I was out all day&although he moaned he had done it.not as good as I do but he'd done it.
He does the majority of food shopping for both us&an elderly relative.
Yes I've said about going to a counsellor when we had our blow out then talked but he doesn't want to.

OP posts:
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