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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU: Boyfriend's sibling called me his ex girlfriends name.

33 replies

PerhapsOverReacter · 04/10/2019 07:52

So ive been with boyfriend for 4 months so fairly new. Both 25.
His brother is 15.
I went to see my boyfriend at his house yesterday and let's pretend boyfriend's ex was called Jen.

So his brother (who btw has met me loads of times) said something along the lines of "Shall i leave you and jen in a bit", I didnt mind this at first, despite mibe and his ex's name being completely different, the three of us just laughed it off.

Then a few hours later, we were all sitting in the living room and on a phone call to his sister, the brother said "just sitting here with (boyfriend's name) and Jen", i felt a bit more awkward this time but i awkwardly laughed it off.
My boyfriend was only with this girl for 2 months and she had only met his family a couple of times as boyfriemd's mum said "why have you said that, you only met ger twice"",

Later on in bed, i asked boyfriend why i was called Jen twice and I felt a bit moffed and awkward, He said his brother didnt mean it in a bad way and it was a mistake and he doesnt want me to be upset about it,
I wasnt too much upset but i did feel a bit off.

So i don't dripfeed, i'm probably feeling a bit down too because boyfriend works away so has been away for 2 weeks, came home yesterday and is now off on holiday for a week with a friend so i didnt see him much.
We had a great time but towards the end of the night, he asked me to pick a movie and then turned his back to go to sleep which caused a slight tension because i said to him we havent spent.much time together and youre going away again and now youre just turning your back to go to sleep.

I just feel i was quite.moody but.i didnt mean to be and I feel this is maybe something i need to.work on, i just dont want to scare boyfriend away. We have a great time together and get on so well but I just felt a bit off yesterday

OP posts:
BinkyandBunty · 04/10/2019 07:58

15yo boys live completely up their own arses and don't care about, or pay attention to anything except normal 15yo boy stuff like their social group, their phone and maybe a sport/hobby.

Don't take it personally!

Love, the mother of a 15yo boy. (And, god help me, a 14yo boy.)

Littlechocola · 04/10/2019 08:04

The brother is winding you up.

My fil once sent a Christmas card to dh and his ex after we had been together for 2 years.

AmIThough · 04/10/2019 08:11

Yeah the 15 yo is doing it to wind his brother up. He won't have even considered the fact it might upset you.

Mintypea5 · 04/10/2019 08:15

It happens. During the early months with my now DH occasionally various siblings and even his dad said the wrong name. I just laughed it off

My MIL called my SIL by BIL ex's name last weekend by accident. They've been together about 10 years!

Original poster
PerhapsOverReacter · 04/10/2019 08:16

Thanks everybody, I did laugh when he said it and made a joke and the first time i was umbothered, i just felt a bit awkward the second time but thanks for responding, probably me just being silly

OP posts:
CampingItUp · 04/10/2019 08:16

He’s either winding you up or just not paying attention.

Either way don’t rise to it. And the brother is not your boyfriend. And 4 months is no time at all to be getting very invested.

Give yourself a safety zone: hold off a bit and protect yourself.

Original poster
PerhapsOverReacter · 04/10/2019 08:17

I feel silly that i brought it up to boyfriend now haha

OP posts:
ravenmum · 04/10/2019 08:18

My boyfriend was only with this girl for 2 months and she had only met his family a couple of times
Maybe he couldn't really remember what she looked like / is not good with faces and thought you were Jen?

onanothertrain · 04/10/2019 08:21

It's very common and is probably just a slip of the tongue. You're over thinking it.

Original poster
PerhapsOverReacter · 04/10/2019 08:23

Thanks for your opinions everyone, looked like.i overreacted!

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 04/10/2019 08:24

After 10 years together DP's brother sent a Christmas card to 'DP and ex' girlfriend.

Couldn't resist I wrote one back from DP and ex GFGrin

Apolloanddaphne · 04/10/2019 08:26

My FIL called me the. Name of DHs ex once. I was very amused and DH was mortified. It was just a slip and nothing more.

stanski · 04/10/2019 08:26

When me and DH got married we received a card from his 93 year old auntie who is never met who said congratulations to DH and (EX NAME) haha. I chuckled and thought it's the thought that counts. Don't take it personally.

stanski · 04/10/2019 08:26

*i'd never Met (as she lived 6 hours away from us)

stanski · 04/10/2019 08:28

One of my SIL also had a slip with EX name and was mortified when the whole group chat was laughing back. These things happen.

Marylou2 · 04/10/2019 08:29

I get Christmas cards from 2 members of DHs family both with his ex's name on. We have been married for 20 years and have children. Your BF's brother is being an idiot. Just don't react. It's not pleasant though and I know how you feel 😔

Grannybags · 04/10/2019 08:29

At 15 he is probably doing it as a wind up or to show off.
My MIL regularly calls me by DH ex name - we’ve been married 12 years!

AmIThough · 04/10/2019 08:33

YANBU to bring it up to your boyfriend. His brother won't have even considered your feelings and if he knew it upset you he'd probably stop.

My DPs nan called me by his ex's name once (from about 10 years before we got together!). A neighbour called me another of his ex's names - he said they'd never even met which is weird.
I rant at him about it because it's his fault for having other girlfriends before he met me Grin LIGHTHEARTED before anyone jumps on me!

Gabrielknight · 04/10/2019 08:33

My brother remarried and I still accidently say Emma when talking about her. I got so used to saying David and Emma it just rolls off the tounge. I know his wife is called kirsty.... My Brain just doesn't. I wouldn't be too offended

BertrandRussell · 04/10/2019 08:35

I have accidentally called my brother’s wife by his ex wife’s wife’s name several times. Every time I want to die.

slippermaiden · 04/10/2019 08:35

I wouldn't worry about it, I regularly call my son my husbands name, or the cats name! The kids have called their (male) teacher Mum, and my husband calls household items the thing because he can't remember what they are called!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/10/2019 08:35

My fiancé's dad called me his ex's name accidentally a few months ago... and that ex had been off the scene for about a decade. A few people winced, I kept smiling and we moved on. It was a mistake; it happens.

Sadly as his brother is 15, there's equal chance that it was a mistake or he was just being 15, but either way - don't stress it. It doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things Smile

Original poster
PerhapsOverReacter · 04/10/2019 08:40

I think im more scared now that.my boyfriend is going to think i'm being too much hardwork after being taken aback by it hahaha, maybe i need to stop being so uptight

OP posts:
AmIThough · 04/10/2019 08:46

@PerhapsOverReacter just start calling his brother something really random until he learns your name Smile

BertrandRussell · 04/10/2019 08:47

Both my brother’s wife and his ex wife came from the same country, had short names and looked quite similar (Thankfully very different personalities, though!) . Somehow it felt even worse when I ger the name wrong because I so much like his wife and loathed his first..