I'm so tired

[LuckyBug89]

I posted last week about having to phone the police on my ExP, have tried to keep busy, but today it's all just taken over me, I can't stop crying, my heart is racing despite the beta blockers, I feel isolated. Everyone keeps saying I did the right thing but it doesn't stop it from hurting. I miss him.

I sit there tormenting myself wondering if he is missing us, why won't he just apologise and do what's necessary to come back. Is his pride really more important then his family?

I just want to run away and hide. I need uplifting stories of people coming out of the other side of situations like this and not dying alone with 50 cats

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. You need to keep going - you won't always feel like this - it will get better. Just take it day by day, hour by hour. There's better out there for you.

Igree. Life is Really better without shitty boyfriends. Really. Dont sell yourself short. You deserve a loving spouse. No less. 🌹

Honestly I could have wrote this myself. I feel the exact same way about my ex. He has court in a week for domestic abuse yet I still miss the crap out of him and then just feel so fucked in the head for thinking that

Are you getting any support, such as from Women's Aid? (to both OP and Upups) Have you tried the Freedom Programme?

Hi Op I started with panic attacks for the first time ever when I left my abusive ex, they eased in time (after the first few weeks) but then I would still have a stress repsonse after dealing with him for a long time. Its a huge decision you have just made be kind to yourself.

You have been in fight or flight for a long time, you have chosen to flight and your body is in overdrive. Its chemical. Your adrenals are firing off cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline and when you are in a heightened stressed state your body finds it hard to get rid of the adrenaline so its pumping round your body and making you feel panicked.

Do you have someone you can call when you feel anxious? Advice form me would be to take a high dose vitamin C (I wish I had done this at the start, makes a big difference as your body is either in a stressed state or an immunity state, cant be in both) and learn techniques to help. Mine was taking my rescue dog for a walk, fast walking and being outside. I also recently learnt the power of meditation. I listen to something called binaural beats via headphones and it works really well for me. Get outside, in nature, ground yourself. And learn proper diapragmatic breathing. It really really helps.

PS. I am 2 1/2 years out, and very ahppy with a new unabusive, amazing guy. It might not seem it at the moment but tis the right thing to do. And of course you miss him, allow yourself to do so, but focus on the present each day not the past or future and take each day as it comes.

I think it's the night times that are the worst. Once my children are all in bed all I have to do is sit and wallow. I can feel the panic in my chest and selfishly I just panic that I am alone and will always be alone.

I know I did the right thing when I called the police, his attitude since has solidified that, but I can't stop loving him. Not yet. It's the waiting for the feelings to pass that is killing me.

I will try the vitamin C thing. The beta blockers help but only for like an hour and then it comes rushing back.

@LuckyBug89 if you ever feeling like speaking to someone that gets how you're feeling you are welcome to pm me. I couldn't relate more to what you're posting

@upups I am on a mobile and can't figure out how to message otherwise I would. I could use someone to talk to that understands :/