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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

2 months ago I said to myself I'd never go out with him again......

4 replies

TheStaff · 03/10/2019 18:35

Not a boyfriend, a husband of nearly 40 years.
He had a hissy fit at a party at the end of August and stormed off swearing. Long story abbreviated, nobody other than him thought I'd done anything wrong.
Nothing more was said but I was very embarrassed. The person who thought they had said something (which wouldn't have annoyed anyone except DH), was very apologetic to me and because I was frightened by DH response I said more about DH than is public knowledge.
I decided I wouldn't join him at events with the same group of friends. They are all people we worked with but DH has always isolated me from them. If someone had invited the both of us he would just say it's boy's night only, when I find out later it wasn't.
DH has just said that one of the group has a birthday party on Saturday and he had an email ages ago and he thinks my name was on it, ie I was invited too
These friends, who I also worked with ages ago know nothing about DH abusive behaviour to me.
I'm just shaken. Why does this upset me so?

OP posts:
TheBeesKnee · 03/10/2019 18:42

You're upset because you're in an abusive relationship. You'd rather miss out on a social life and hide his dreadful behaviour away from your friends as though you're the one to be ashamed and not him. Ask yourself why. Ask yourself if this is how you want to live out your life.

What are you getting from this marriage?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/10/2019 18:50

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Why are you and he together at all given this abusive treatment of you?

TheStaff · 03/10/2019 19:24

Thanks to both for your replies.
Answer is I'm 61, I work part-time in a minimum wage job (I used to work at the same level as DH but gave this up when I/we had kids), I'm tired I do all the domestics.
I may well split when the time comes to sell the house but I have uni kids coming back. I have a dog. At the moment they and I need a base.

OP posts:
TheBeesKnee · 03/10/2019 22:38

Well, you could always incapacitate him slightly.

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