Boyfriend left & I’m 3 months pregnant

[Idontknowwhattodo2]

Hi everybody, just looking for some advice.

My boyfriend of 9 months left me two weeks ago, said it was nothing to do with the pregnancy (even though he did not want the baby and wanted an abortion) and is all my fault.

However he said he does want to be involved with the baby and support it.

But it’s been two weeks and he continued to ignore my calls, and now he has blocked my number. I have the three month scan coming up and he’d previously asked that I let him know so that he could come/see photos etc. But he’s now deleted all social media and blocked me.

I’m going through a very stressful time being alone in this and it’s making me feel like a psycho keep trying to contact him when I’m just trying to let him know the things he wanted to know.

Any advice? Do I just give up? Wait for him to come back in contact? It’s difficult because I don’t know how I’m supposed to start trying to get over him when I’m not sure what’s happening.

Thank you!

You poor thing. I'm sorry you're going through this. Are you sure he's not getting cold feet because he's feeling overwhelmed with it all? Does he have any other children or is this his first?

With or without him, you will get through it and you will be an amazing mum. Just make sure you have a support network, especially for those first few months after baby is born.

It does sound like a hard situation but it doesn't sound like there is much you can do about it. He knows about the baby and presumably if he wants to be involved he will get in contact with you. You need to put yourself and the baby first and stop wasting energy on him. I would carry on and move forward alone and make plans for being on my own if it was me. I know it is easier said than done!

Sorry you are in this situation, he sounds like an absolute arse and not worth your time. I personally wouldn't chase him, maybe text him appointment times or any other information regarding his child (yes he has blocked you but he then can't say you didn't try). Just make all your future plans expecting that it will just be you looking after and paying for your child. If he changes his mind in the meantime and decides to support you then he does but dont expect it or chase him to be involved. Concentrate on raising your baby, they probably don't need a father like him anyway.

Hi @RLEOM

He said he’s been unhappy for months, since before the pregnancy, I asked him why he decided to wait until I was this far along (we found out at 3 weeks) and he said it ‘wasn’t that black and white’. He has no other children but still lives at home and only works part time so he certainly wasn’t ready for it. I didn’t mean to get pregnant and I feel really guilty about it but I want to keep the baby.

I’m just not sure whether to stop trying to contact him, and just carry on doing everything alone?

And thank you, luckily I have an extremely supportive family.

and it’s making me feel like a psycho keep trying to contact him
Then stop it.
He's blocked you.
You are now doing this on your own (with the support of your family)
Stop including him in anything.
Do not try to contact him again.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.
Stay strong you will get through it.
Hope the scan goes well.

Drop him, delete his number, block him on all social media too and don't put him on the birth certificate. He is telling and showing you what you can expect from him - nothing.
It's better to face the fact now that you'll be parenting alone, so that you can put other support in place and concentrate 100% on your health, finances and plans for the future.
I assume this is your first? Will you be eligible for maternity leave? Don't forget to apply for Child Benefit, maintenance from him and start checking out local parent/baby groups.
Sorry you are going through this. He let you down and is showing emotional immaturity. You and your child don't need that in your life.

Hi @DianaT1969 thank you for the advice I will stop trying to contact him.

I won’t be eligible for maternity pay as I am self-employed however I am on a very good wage so will be saving and doing some small freelance work after he/she arrives! I will also be claiming what I can while working too and have a great family support network to help me with everything so I know I’ll be fine on my own, my main thing is I don’t want to have not tried my hardest to make sure my baby’s dad cares about them. But I guess there’s nothing I can do about that!

Op check out maternity allowance, if you’ve been paying class 2 national insurance you should be entitled but double check the gov.uk website.

I don’t want to have not tried my hardest to make sure my baby’s dad cares about them
He has blocked you.
He DOESN'T CARE.
It really is that simple.
If he did care then he wouldn't block you and would be trying to support you.
He's not.
He's totally checked out now.
Actions OP!
They speak louder than words.
He's not interested.

If your ex should attend the Registry Office to register the birth, DO NOT put his name as father on the birth certificate and be sure to give the child your surname.

This won't prohibit you from filing a claim with the CMS for maintenance.

If your ex wants to share parental responsibility for the child he can apply to the courts. Should you marry your ex at some future date the child's birth can be re-registered to show him as father

I

Please take the advice from @donKeyshot above. This is really important so that you don’t get potentially major problems in the long term

OP at some point he'll be back in contact. Likely to say he wants to be present when the baby is born. Or to try again or something. He has no right to be present during the birth. Same with any antenatal appointments either. The baby is currently a part of your body and remains so until the cord is cut. Take someone who cares about you to those appointments and to be your birth partner.

And definitely, definitely don't put his name on the birth certificate. You'll never be free of him if you do. If he ends up being a great dad then he can still be that without the power over you he'll have by being named on that document.

I'm sorry he's done this and you're in this situation. Congratulations on the pregnancy though!