Optimist Vs Pessimist (light hearted-ish)

[SellmeyourMLMcrap]

So this is meant to be light hearted but I guess it can cause some frustration in our relationship although we largely manage it these days.

The issue is that my DP is incredibly pessimistic about people, not about life in general but she just doesn't like people and thinks they are largely idiots. Now, while I agree that people are very annoying, I feel more that everyone is just doing the best they can and even if they annoy the hell out of me I don't stress it.

Now, my DP also doesn't "stress it" but she does verbalise it, A LOT. She will complain that this person didn't do this or that person did the other. She'll basically slag people off but it's more about releasing the frustration than seriously thinking people are what she says.

I'm fairly used to this and fully accept that 95% of what comes out of her mouth in these situations is just hot air. She isn't really going to stab the old lady taking up half the aisle in M&S food hall for example.

I on the other hand am a huge people pleaser. I do not like upsetting people, or even saying things that someone would be offended at if they heard. This stretches to not even slagging people off on the TV (although I am embracing this more these days). I have an excuse ready for everyone who does something annoying etc. I think it's just my way of dealing with frustrations, people are decent but why would they give a shit about me?

So the issue is sometimes My DP will slag someone off, it could be someone in the shop, someone she's had a run in with at work or just someone on TV and instead of just agreeing and saying how annoying that must have been I automatically start defending them. I don't mean to but it's naturally my way. Obviously this annoys the hell out of her firstly because why am I not on her side and secondly because she is only gassing, she knows that they might have had a rough day and therefore the behaviour was just a product of what went before for them etc. She just doesn't want to hear that.

So, if you're still here, how can I come away from my natural tendency to support someone who doesn't need supporting and start to support my DP every time? To her it's like I'm treating her as an idiot or deliberately being contrary, which I understand but I'm not doing it for those reasons, it's just because it's who I am and I've always been this way. Am I a lost cause?

I have no advice, as I am in the same boat with you. It's like you described me and my boyfriend. He is like your partner and I am exactly as you. I'm trying to be less protective about other people when he lashes out and just nod or smth, but it is incredibly annoying and I feel so much tension inside every time he does it. And it's like every day, sometimes several times a day. I am consireding breaking up, cause I would hate our potential future children to learn his behaviour and it annoyes me. But as he has many wonderful traits also I am in a limbo..

To add, I guess it is possible to take as it - a partner just lashing out. And then it would be easy to just "support" them, say "yes dear, it was annoying" or whatever. BUT it is so difficult for me to understand that if they already know anyway that there could have been thousand of reasons why someone said or did something, or that someone did not intentionally pumped him in the store, or that a dog owner did not tell their dog to cross paths with them etc, then why the hell do they have to lash out, say bad things about other people and wish them death? Just analyse these thoughts quickly in your head and shut up and let's talk about something good, funny, neutral. Why is it so hard to keep their negative remarks to themselves or just ignore those situations? Why to transfer the stress they experienced for 10 seconds to the person they love and then live the stress through again by them and also by their loved one? Such silly little things that they could just ignore, they make these three times bigger.

Yes, of course sometimes you want to lash out, who doesn't, I also do. But every single day, several times a day to say something negative about someone or some situation? I just cannot understand it.

Yes, I also do not like if a dog bark at me or someone is really slow at the store or the bus is late etc, but I do not lash out over these things. I quickly think about it, live the frustration out inside myself and continue with a happy day. It takes 3 seconds in my head and all good.