Irrational worry about arson?

[TinaAndTimmy]

I don’t know why I’ve got this into my head but I am worrying about arson. I worry a lot anyway.

I have a distant uncle that is very bad news and he has recently lashed out at my parent over money (complicated situation regarding my grandmas finances!).context... My parent is significantly better off financially than my uncle and he has always had a problem with this, even though my parent has earned this money in their own right. The financial arguments are always about my grandparent and what will happen to their money, whether it is being spent correctly and on what etc. Grandma does not have capacity so both parent and uncle have power of attorney, but my parent has taken the reigns as my uncle is pretty rubbish with organisation etc.

Uncle has stopped speaking to my parent after a row a year ago. Parent would historically dish out money to family, with my uncle’s consent on birthdays and Christmas. My grandma doesn’t have that much money, we are talking thousands rather than hundreds of thousands. Anyway, getting to the point. Grandma hasn’t had capacity to organise money for a long time. I was given a cheque a few months back from my grandma and without authorisation from my uncle, in celebration of a very good promotion at work. This sort of thing was usual for my grandma to do.

Why am I worried? Well it has only just occurred to me that as my uncle and parent don’t speak at the moment, my uncle will not have jointly authorised this cheque to me. I have no idea if he would have objected or whatever but I feel scared that he didn’t know. He can be really bad news. Parent has assured me it is fine but they don’t want me to speak to my uncle about it because of the disharmony between them. It has been years since I’ve even been in the same room as him so I have no wish to speak to him really.

I’m worried he will one day find out, see the cheque was drawn, and wonder if it was down to me, be angry and then try and harm me in some way.

Like I say I am a huge worrier and could do with some perspectives...

Thanks

Anyone?

Are you prone to anxiety Tina? Sounds like you are over-thinking this, unless Uncle has any history of arson?

No he has no history of it but can be threatening ie threatened parent with police in past (they really had done nothing wrong) and has generally been aggressive, fights, that sort of thing. But no arson as far as I’m aware.

I worry a lot yes.

Maybe some of your worrying has attached itself to this issue? Is it likely that he is even checking the cheque books and reconciling them etc? From what you say, he isn't terribly organised.

No he won’t be but at some point the amount will be questioned. It’s more than would usually be given (50) but not a lot in the grand scheme of things (around 200).

Ok. But when he threatened the Police, this didn't happen? Just wondering if the chance of anything happening is in fact very low, and he does more blustering/threatening than actual action.

No he didn’t go to the police but then he really didn’t have any evidence against my parent, it was just nastiness.

I think I’m worrying here that when it is seen and questioned he will feel like money has been hidden/taken without his consent and he will be angry. Obviously my parent withdraw it not me but he could be angry and god knows what he could do

I doubt he would blame you - he's more likely to put that on your parent.

Should your parent really be giving out sums of money like that, anyway? Tbh it sounds like your uncle would have good reason to be angry about it. Surely they should just be managing bills etc for Grandma.

It's possible he could be angry, but I think arson is actually pretty rare, so it seems maybe you are catasrophising (sp?) about this. I realise it's much easier for me to say it. You say this cheque was given a few months ago. Has something happened recently to make you more worried?

If you're worried about arson you can contact your local fire station and arrange for a special letter box to be installed. You could also look at getting a ring doorbell or another motion sensored CCTV?

It does seem very unlikely situation however and like a previous poster said you may be experiencing anxiety. Perhaps contact your doctor and they can help you with ways of managing this.

Category I don’t want to explain the context as it could be outing but there was a reason it was given that my parent considered was justified. My parent does not spend any of my grandmas money whatsoever and so there was a reason for this.

It’s the fact my uncle didn’t agree to it that’s bothering me as there will inevitably be questions about it. There was no way of taking it back either as the cheque shows even if it isn’t cashed. I only considered it weeks later. I would rather not speak to him about it as like I say I don’t really know him these days at all. Not spoken in years and years.

I definitely have anxiety and I have been back and forth worrying about this for the last couple of months. That isn’t usual for me, I do it with lots of things.

I’m not sure why arson has come into my head. Maybe because it seems like a way to get back at me? I really would rather just put the money back and if it came to an argument I would. My parent doesn’t want me to do anything though and would be upset if I contacted my uncle as he has been very cruel to my parent.

Well of course you shouldn't be contacting your uncle - it's between your parent and him, should there become an issue.

It wil certainly be questioned at some point. Maybe I’ve taken a bit of a leap with arson.

I would say yes, your anxiety has taken a leap with arson and revenge etc, and you probably should address those MH issues with your doctor/therapy etc.

But at the same time, I would question what your parent is doing by giving money gifts out of Grandma's account whatever the justification, especially without the Uncle's agreement.

It doesn't sit right with me.

That’s my concern category. But there’s little point me getting involved. My parent isn’t devious and my uncle is extremely lazy and many other things...but I just don’t want involvement!! I don’t even want the money and would hand it to my uncle if he took issue with it