Feeling really down after breakup and unsure how to behave to be a decent Co parent

[AMQ00004]

I had known my now ex parter for about 6 years, in that time I though we had been on and off friends with benefits. In hindsight, I was just a little secret I was never introduced me to anyone, no one knew anything about me. We fell out and didn't speak for months, he'd have relationships and then so would I.. I got engaged and that went wrong and we started hanging out again and I fell pregnant. He was horrendous.
He didn't tell anyone for at least 4 months. Then told his mum, they had very little to do with me when I was pregnant.
I had my son and he wanted to make a go of things and moved in. Long story short, we argued sometimes, but we had looked at houses and cars. And then three weeks ago after a minor argument. He left. His change in behaviour this time, makes me think there's more too it. But I am absolutely heartbroken.
The first week he never asked about our son at all. He has since upped his game a little, but I'm doing all the leg work.
I just miss him so much, and his lack of anything is absolutely devastating me. I tried so hard and put up with so much to make this family work. And he's just walked away. He doesn't acknowledge when I send pictures of our son, it's all one word answers. He will be getting him ever other weekend for now. Until we settle into a routine.
I don't know what's too much with contact and what isn't enough. Should I continue to send photos, do I wait till he asks, do we maintain a friendship do we not?
I still love him, I know in writing this I need to tell him to get lost. I have my stuff together, I have a good career, friends, a nice family, my own nice house. I just don't know why I wasnt enough for him. 😔
I just want to start feeling better again.

Yea it's shit and hurts like hell.
Nothing you can do about it though, concentrate on your DC's child with their father and remind yourself you are a decent lovely person with your shit together. You'll get there, it just takes time x

Thanks for replying.
100% my main concern is my son and his relationship with his dad.
I am heartbroken but iv gotten through worse. I just want to fast forward to the bit when I'm over him.
So do I keep sending the photos all the time or just send a few or wait till he asks?
A x

Yep keep sending them. When I said concentrate on the relationship between father and son I didn't mean to suggest that you aren't, more that it's a good head space to be in x

You are totally right. It just really annoys me that I send him funny videos and get nothing back. Not even a thanks. And he never facetimes him, he has said he would and just never bothers unless I pester him.
God its sooo annoying.
But I will continue because I feel that it's so important that they have a connection and adam can't do that for himself yet.
X

I’m sorry, OP, he sounds like a total arse!

Absolutely you’re right to be focusing on your DS and your relationship as co-parents, by l ersonally, I’d possibly come at it from the other angle. Step back slightly and let him realise that 50% of the effort has to come from him whilst your son is young enough not to notice, before it’s 5 years down the line and you’re trapped doing absolutely everything in order to maintain their relationship because that’s what he’s become accustomed to.

Of course if he really is a shit and that doesn’t work, you may unfortunately have to go back to putting in all the work to ensure they have a relationship, but I’d try and start as I meant to go on if I were you.

Having said all that, do what you feel is best right now for you and your son. You’ll get through this!

That's a very good way of looking at it. And advice I will take in board.

I sometimes feel like he just expects there to be a well developed relationship with my son without putting in any effort, when he has him he rarely takes him out and rarely does stuff one on one, he's always at a family members or just sits in the house with his mum.

He often talks about them playing and going to football and all the things they'll do together when he gets bigger. But in my opinion those types of bonds start now, they aren't automatic. And they take time, effort and consistency. I want that more than anything in the world for my son, but it can't all be down to me.

I had a looong conversation with my friend tonight who put into perspective that I will be hurting because I do love someone who doesn't love me back. But it'll get easier and hurt less as I move on.

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to me. Can't tell you how much better it has made me feel xx