If you've ever forgiven him...

[sirmione16]

For cheating or something that would seriously ruin a relationship, how long was it before you fully accepted and forgave?

I've decided to stay with someone who has done something wrong in the relationship. I'm content with my decision but it's still niggling at me. It only all came out 2.5 months ago so still fresh, how long before this feeling should go away? But if it doesn't, at what point in time do I accept it won't and end things?

Well, we didn't have a newborn and "soon to be married", but been together for a long time.

If it was good before the happening and he takes all the blame, then I'll try to work it out if I'd feel it at the time(with counseling and if he makes all the right noises). But it doesn't mean you can't change your mind even if your, let's say a year or two down the line.

If it was bad before the betrayal and right now you are affected by pick me dance and life changed that a newborn brings, then it would not be so clear cut.

If it wasn't good at the beginning, it ain't going to be good now. If you think that from year or two from today when he's going out you'll be wondering what he's up to, then no. And when you go ahead you'll have to be prepared that he's going to do it again, because you can't really trust him to the end and back.

I really do get it, I forgave but I never forget and my circumstances weren't as complicated as yours. But I did it for all the wrong reasons. I was afraid, I never knew a life without him. I would like to think I'd do better if there were children involved, because then I'd have do be strong for them (for them not seeing a dysfunctional relationship), but I've never been in that position, so it's only guessing.

Whatever you do, if you go with it for now and make peace or if you decide something else in year x, it's going to be alright.

If you can afford it, go back to the counselling.

The answer is yes, I forgave, but it took a long time and longer as we didn't talk about it and just got back together as if nothing had happened within 2 months of him walking out. I then acted very destructively for a good year after, and we almost split because of my subsequent actions.

We're better as a couple now than then (about 2012) as we've grown up. We weren't married with a child at the time though.

Irrespective, give it more time, more counselling and see how you feel. 2 and a half months is very, very soon.

It might not be helpful but I would imagine that you’d just know if you’d reached a point where the feeling wasn’t going to go away.

Has he been able to properly explain why he did it and what his intentions were, OP? Enough so that you think you’ll be able to trust it won’t happen again?

What he did was massive

What do you think would have been the next step had you not found out and stopped it in it's tracks ? (That's if it is even stopped)

Two and half years and still not nearly forgiven, and will never be forgotten and what happened isn't as bad as yours.

As pp says, there are good days and there are bad, sometimes very bad. But it's the thrust that's the main issue now, always second guessing, never feeling totally at ease and always suspicious. It's a really horrible situation and if we didn't have kids and so much history I'd be long gone.

I would hold off any babies or marriage for at least 3 years so you can be sure you can get over what's happened.

Sorry, just seen you have a newborn.