Is it normal to think about your first 'love'?

[kylieeee]

I was 15 when I met B, he was 17 going on 18. He had the older college guy charm and the Justin Bieber sweepy haircut going on. Swoon😂

It was your typical on again, off again/Ross & Rachel/teenage drama relationship. We never quite made it to being 'official' boyfriend and girlfriend, but we had quite a journey together and couldn't seem to live with or without each other.

He was worried about being almost 18 and what people would say about him dating a 15 year old (sensibly!) and wanted to wait until I was 16 before we became official, but we would still meet up to hold hands at bus stops and talk on MSN until 3am most nights (I know, Romeo & Juliet right)😂. Cute as he could be, he would stand me up, make me jealous on purpose and drive me crazy. When I look back now I cringe😳

I got fed up of waiting, so on my 16th birthday I met someone else and was with him on and off for almost two years. This douche was an ASS🙄 When things all went tits up, B was there to pick up the pieces. Being a nob and too young I messed him around as he did to me in the early days. He would still open his arms out to me whenever I needed him though and just wanted me to be happy. We were on and off seeing each other for a few years and being older we did sleep together a few times.

I think what I loved most about him was how much he really cared about me, dropped everything for me and how protective he was of me...and just the memories of our 'young love'. The thing is... despite being with my now fiancé for over 6 years, I have to admit I still think of B, almost every day, and I wonder if he thinks of me too.

I actually ran into him 3 years ago and as we were talking I knew we had nothing in common and there were no feelings there. I don't fancy him as he is now, years have passed and he's a totally different man. Is it possible to be in love with the memory of someone? When I do think of him, it's always of 18 year old B. I can't work out why I think of him so much?

Surely if he was 'the one that got away' I would still love him as he is now? I look at his Facebook sometimes and there's just no feeling there when I see current pics of him. If he was 18 again though.. 😳 it's been 10 years, will I ever stop thinking of this person?!

It's just infatuation.
Your job is to direct your thoughts elsewhere when he comes to mind.
Frankly, he didn't treat you well so that should help. The rest was maybe friendship but we wouldn't take that from girls so why take it from him and accept that behaviour just because he was male..? That sort of thing should help you stop thinking of him.

Hormones. Once you hit 50 you won’t think of such things

Once you hit 50 you won’t think of such things

Over 60 here, and life is full of intrigue and romance.

I still think of the Orange! I’m 56

I think about my first boyfriend quite often and very fondly. Just the way I loved him, talking on the phone for 5 hours every night, thinking he was so amazing and cool.
He worked at a popular McDonalds after school, he was 18, all the other girls 15,16 would go and perv on him but he was mine. I WAS THE WINNER 😂
Oh how easy life would be if I was as amazed by a bloke working in fast food and skateboarding with his friends now!! Hahahaha.
I still see him at mutual friends parties sometimes, he's exactly the same, (except career wise) Oh to be young!

@MySonIsAlsoNamedBort 😂😂 made my day! Mine also skateboarded, wore hoodies and worked at the co op. I can't see myself being overly impressed with that at 24 but back in the day he was a total catch😂 isn't it bizarre that young innocent love can stay with you for so long! X

I do but sadly he died a couple years ago. I still live in the area we both lived in and walking down our local high street, I can still remember him doing a massive u-turn in front of three lanes of traffic just because he spotted me and wanted to say hi. Sad, but happy memories

I think of mine all the time - very much the one that got away and I still believe it was right person wrong time.

We were young which was a factor but also both sets of parents were anti the other one purely on class/snobbery nonsense which made things incredibly hard for us! There was a lot of pressure to split and then financial/work circumstances got in the way too and I had to move a significant distance away and we just couldn't maintain it.

When I was first dating now ex I thought I saw him once (was visiting friends where I used to live and he still lived) - someone wearing a very distinctive jacket like one he wore and similar appearance/build from behind.

The way I felt when I thought it was him...

I ran up and tapped the guy on the shoulder and was excited and pleased at the thought of seeing him again but of course it wasn't him. And I felt guilty for how I'd felt because of now ex.

We later reconnected on social media for a short while, and I was heartbroken to discover that at a point just before I met ex when I was single that he too had been single and we were both living in roughly same area again, but I'd been told he was living with someone and so I hadn't contacted him, turns out he would've been single and would've welcomed me getting in touch.

At that point I was single but he was married and I didn't want to be responsible for any issues there (although she knew we were in touch and she and I even chatted at one point - very weird) so I let things fade out and moved on.

I've since heard (we have many mutual friends I'm still in touch with) he and his wife have separated a couple of times but then got back together and they do have DC together too. I hope they're now sorted and he's happy.

But yea, still the one that got away...

He wasn't perfect, he could be jealous, argumentative and had been raised in a somewhat privileged way compared to me which affected how he viewed certain things - but then I had and still do have my own faults.

He was also kind, thoughtful and generous and a very good listener, a very "gentle" guy...

God my stomachs flipping even thinking about him.

I see pics of him on mutual friends social media too and he is still very good looking too. I don't think he'd even recognise me!

I've gained loads of weight due to health issues and gone grey and my skin is bad at the moment, I wouldn't want him seeing me like this to be honest.

Hmm...difficult.

I do wonder how my life would have turned out if we'd not split.

I suspect a lot better than it has but then I'd also not have dd.

@EmmiJay

I'm so sorry for your loss. That must be so hard. Glad you have some lovely memories though.

@EmmiJay god that must've been a tug on your heart hearing that. I'm sorry that it ended so tragically but happy you have some innocent lovely memories. There really is nothing like your first love is there x

I still think about mine. I always assumed we would get back together at some point once I moved back to the uk (I had moved abroad for work) and we had stayed friends. He abruptly cut contact with a text, I would guess at the direction of a girlfriend. He was complicated and would have made my life a lot harder than my lively, stable husband but I do still think of him sometimes.

@Graphista god you sound so similar to me! There's been times when I've known he was down this way (he moved away for uni) and I've hoped I would bump into him but only have once. We also reconnected on social media a couple of times and just seeing his name made my stomach do flips!

I honestly think he's the one for you though from your message. And one day it will be the right place at the right time. I hope you get your happy ending. Despite what you think about yourself I'm sure your beautiful and through his eyes you'll still be the girl he loved all those years ago. Xx

Oh thank you Graphista and Kylieee didn't want to be a downer on the thread. I loved both your memories. And no theres nothing like your first love at all. Cherish every memory I say 😊

I think it's odd to think about him as much as you do - every day seems excessive. Especially when it's the fantasy or memory him, and the real him doesn't interest you. Is your relationship with your fiancé a happy one?

You're in love with a memory. Someone once told me that often when you leave a relationship, you don't miss the person, you miss the way they made you feel. Before I met DP, I was single for years and often thought of my first love and all the happy times and how amazing it was to be in love - then I remembered he was also a dick who made me cry, stood me up, lied to me, and was generally a PITA. We were toxic. I didn't miss him, I just missed the feeling of being in love.

I do still think about him though - but not romantically. Deep down he was a good person, and he experienced a tragedy in the family just after we finished school. I can't help but wonder how they are all doing nowadays.

@category12 I think I overexagerrated it being a daily thing, but I do think of him often. I think he was there when I went through a lot of family trauma so that happy innocent love is the only good thing I have from that time of my life - I'd be lying if I said he didn't leave a lasting imprint in my life. I also don't think we had much closure, and I do miss his friendship. Sometimes I wish we hadn't over stepped the mark and we would probably still be good friends now.

Oh yes I'm very happy with my fiancé, the love we have is real and meaningful, I wouldn't trade him for the world. I just think that teenage feeling leaves a mark is all they do say you never forget your first x

@AllStarBySmashMouth that's exactly what I thought, I'm in love with the memory but if he came knocking on my door on bended knee right now I wouldn't bat an eye lol. It's weird what memories can do x

It's totally normal to think back to a time when life was easy, without responsibilities and exciting! But it's a nostalgic fondness and not based in reality so it's fine to dream! x

Love nostalgia. I could write an essay on exs (don't worry, I won't).

Age has had the opposite effect on me - I was desperately in love with my second boyfriend for YEARS after he cheated on me, gaslit me, and told everyone at uni I was his mental ex who wouldn't leave him alone (we were still shagging). I was so jealous of his new gf, now wife, after we split. I used to stalk her on Facebook at least once a week through my 20s - I know I'm bonkers.

Now I'm just stunned that I thought his possessive jealous behaviour was a positive. It actually worries me that teenage girls aren't/weren't socialised to realise this. Had a very lucky escape and glad I grew up. Still look him up on LinkedIn every now and again though ...