How would this make you feel?

[Septemberday]

So a while back when my work announced its plans for our Xmas do I asked my dh if his work was having an Xmas do. He told me nothing had been announced yet.
I expressed my interest as we went to his works Xmas do a few years ago and it was a really great bash and so nice to put faces to names etc. Also, both of us have discussed that since DH left the army, how much we do miss the social side of things, like the balls and dining in nights etc. We've relocated 2 years ago so still don't have a massive social circle and both of us really miss our old social life. Both our work does do include spouses (which I know is unusual as alot of places dont).

It came up again yesterday when I was paying a deposit for my works Xmas do and dh said, no his work isn't having an Xmas do this year.

All fine. No drama. They didn't have one last year either.

Then last night I was looking for an email response to something and dh said it might have been sent to him not me, so I checked his emails too (with his permission, our in boxes are logged into a home pc all the time).
There as clear as day is an email conversation between him and work. His work saying Xmas do will be in X date and asking for a vote on which of 3 available places would people prefer. The firstboption was xyz hotel and restaurant because it was such a fantastic night last year!

Dh has replied to the message saying all.oprions sound good but sadly he has other plans for that date/weekend so unfortunately won't be able to make it.

We don't have plans for that weekend at all.

I don't understand you didn't just say "Hey look at this email about your Xmas do!"

@AmIThough I'm not saying her feelings should count over his. The question was 'how would you feel' and I would be annoyed to be lied to, feel deprived, and disappointed. This is not to say that these feelings are right or wrong, or should be prioritised over her partner's. Just that they are feelings that would be happening. And that's ok.

Feelings are feelings- what matters is how they're acted on.

I think anyone would also be annoyed/angered to be lied to. That wasn't a good way for him to act.

I would also hope that any DP of mine would find ways to help me achieve what I need to be happier. He doesn't have an -obligation- to go with her to some events to try and make friends, but if he doesn't want to go to this particular event, he could suggest other things they could go along to to make friends. But that's just my opinion and how a previous DP of mine would've acted- he would've gone along to stuff sometimes to help me make friends as he knew it was important and would contribute to my happiness. This doesn't mean OP's DP should have gone along to this works do if he didn't want to for some reason, but he could go along to some other stuff if she wanted him there.

DH has never been to any of his, even though they would probably be right up my street (I love a good party). He doesn’t feel the need to socialise with his colleagues. He’s a software engineer so it’s not really a sociable office.

Are you likely to have strong armed him into it? It’s a white lie to avoid confrontation rather than anything sinister in my opinion.

My dh never goes to his. It normally ends up with people having drunken fights.

I reckon he doesn’t fancy it but knew you’d be disappointed. Maybe he’s not as sociable as he once was- things change. Or maybe there is tension in the office.

The affair insinuations are unrealistic. If he were cheating, he’d be desperate to have an excuse to spend the evening with her! He’d have said yes to the email.