Has anyones relationship come back from the brink?

[Lonelybutnotalone]

I'll try to keep this brief. I have been with my OH for 15 years, one child aged 4. For the past year or so things have been strained although he always says he has been happy. Recently we had a conversation and he admitted things hadn't been right for a long time & we were only together for the sake of our child. We were both upset however agreed to take a few weeks to "work on things" but nothing has really changed and I'm wondering how or if I/we can get back from this. We have always had a good sex life but recently nothing, we sit in the same room at night but rarely talk, he's always on his phone. Our child was away with GP at the weekend and he went out for 10hours drinking instead of spending time together. I just think neither of us know how to get out of this rut and to be honest I'm not sure if I want to but I feel for my own conscience I must know I have tried everything. So, please tell me your stories and tell me it can work..... or not.

it can work - DW and i have been at the brink a couple of times, the consequences of poor choices and a lack of consideration from both of us.

however, with complete openness and honesty, and commitment from both of us that we have followed through on, allied with regular honest discussions about how we feel, and how we're doing, we are in a good place.

i don't think we'll ever be the same as we were prior to our mistakes, but where we are is a good place for us at the moment.

that might not always be the case, but as long as we continue to make the effort, and to keep being honest with each other, whatever the long-term outcome, we can both say we've done everything we can.

it has been a lot of work - but then not much in life worth having comes easy.

DW has direct experience of being the product of parents who stayed together just for her benefit, and neither of us would do that to our DCs.

could you see you both putting the same level of commitment into your relationship? it doesn't seem that way from your op.

Yes, mine and DH’s. As the PP said, regular, honest communication has been the key for us.
It’s a joint effort on both sides and both parties need to want to make it work.
Little changes worked for us such as not using our phones in the evening and actually spending some quality time together.
Deep down, we stopped appreciating each other and taking a step back to appreciate each other and all they do has worked wonders.

I'm not sure if it has gone too far now, I would like it to work but we don't really have anything to say to eachother, we don't socialise and any time we have to spend on our own together it feels very strained and awkward to be honest. I never thought after 15 years I would feel so lonely in my own home. I agree we shouldn't stay together for DC and this is absolutely the last resort before splitting permanently. We are not good at communicating anyway so when something major happens we tend to just ignore it and I think this is why our issues have become so huge & overwhelming!

We are not good at communicating anyway so when something major happens we tend to just ignore it and I think this is why our issues have become so huge & overwhelming!
This was our exact problem, counselling helped a lot. We still find it difficult, but we are getting better as we realise that neither of us are mind readers and if we don’t tell each other how we feel, we can’t deal with it.

Yes. Us. We went through a lot of crap in order to get to where we are today. It has been tremendously hard and so many times I wanted to throw in the towel because it just seemed doomed to failure but then gradually things got easier and the fight wasn’t so hard.

As other posters have said communication and openness are key. Trust was a big issue in my relationship, for both of us. Do we trust each other 100%? No, that will take years for both of us to get there but that’s ok because we want to be together.

We had people on the fringes doing whatever they could to split us up, honestly it was hell. And still today we are stalked, threatened and lied to by those people but I’ve learnt to not take any notice.

We have a very blended family now, it’s not for everyone but we aren’t happy.

yeah, me and dp have nearly split a few times, and always fallen back in love with some work.