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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fed up

16 replies

Fedup0007 · 02/10/2019 03:05

Nc for this as anyone involved or their partners are on here which I’m sure they are.

I’m just so fed up with my partner at the min he spends half of the evening on his phone texting his mates from work who’s he’s been with all day and it’s really starting to fuck me off now. And the other half requesting absolute silence whilst he watches his footy programs or a series.
Never wants to hold a conversation about how my day has been as it’s obviously not as interesting as what his mate has to say about the latest bet he’s placed. I might sound immature about that but my partner doesn’t text me during the day on his breaks to even say hi how’s your day going and it’s really starting to get to me now and I have realised it’s getting to me because I have just woke up from a dream where he was glued to his phone which is clearly the norm for him.

He can’t be arsed with anything when it comes to me. It’s little tiny things like he can’t be arsed to think when I ask him a question and just responds with ‘I don’t know’ or ‘can’t remember’ a prime example is tonight he nipped round next door (just moved to a new area) to ask the lady if she knew how the cooker worked as we were struggling with it and I asked him if her house was laid out the same and he said no it’s an L shape and I said ok so does it have a hallway like ours and he said ‘can’t remember now’ I felt like kicking off and saying yes you can remember you was round there tonight use your head and think for a minute!!!!

He has been working quite a lot of over time
Lately to support us during our house move and for the costs involved which I get he is tired but I feel like if I say something then the overtime is going to be thrown in my face although it’s not a logical reason for being glued to his phone and acting like he is.

Just had a little conversation with myself in my head about what I will say to him tomorrow but I just end up getting angry. He refused to have sex with me he just stays quiet when I ask or try I just feel so unloved so pushed out and like I don’t matter. I only matter when it suits him when he needs me for something I.e a fucking lift to work so he can be reunited with his work wife.

I’m not going to LTB I’d rather work on the issues if anyone has any ideas on how I can approach this because I’m going to fly off the handle shortly. Also I’m on the sofa because of his snoring which isn’t helping matters.

OP posts:
Fedup0007 · 02/10/2019 03:07

I feel like switching my phone off and giving him the silent treatment to see how he likes it but it’s not very mature

OP posts:
Kiwiinkits · 02/10/2019 03:11

Try having a family policy of phone off from 8pm for everyone in the house. Say it’s because it’s the best way to have more sex.

Fedup0007 · 02/10/2019 03:17

I will suggest this tomorrow. He will use me going on me Going on my phone purely out of the need for someone to converse with and out of boredom as a reason to kick back with the point I’m trying to get at. So frustrating.

OP posts:
alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 02/10/2019 03:25

Have you got kids? If not, why would you stick around with someone that is so uninterested in you? He sounds like a bloody bore to me! No conversation, no company, no sex, what's the point of him?

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 02/10/2019 03:30

If he throws you being on your phone back at you just say "yes I know; that's why we're both going to do it".

CardiFree · 02/10/2019 03:36

Who's the work wife?

Fedup0007 · 02/10/2019 03:39

Yes I have one on the way in due in December.

He never use to be like this up until recently he has been ok with me asking about my day and stuff but lately it’s just like I’m an unnecessary part of the day. It takes 3 seconds to type out how’s work x or something similar. It’s a tiny drop of effort and he may or may not give my foot a rub in the evening or put his hand on my leg but I just resent it now coz I know he doesn’t want to he will just do it because I’ve gone quiet and he knows he’s upset me.

He’s not very tactile and doesn’t like
Holding hands or anything. We was walking round the supermarket and I gently gripped his fingers in a nice way not like ‘come here you WILL hold my hand’ and he was doing all he could to avoid holding it and was trying to make out he wanted to point at something on a shelf.

I feel like I’m just being a big baby and that I’m needy but I’m not going to brush my feelings under the carpet for fear of being told I’m immature. Would be nice if he came and gave me a kiss after work or a hug and actually meant it rather than instead of it always being me who’s the instigator and knowing he can’t wait to push me off because his mate needs more attention.

Starting to wind myself up now. I just want to enjoy the time we have together before the baby arrives and make it count but it’s clearly all one sided

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 02/10/2019 03:44

So OP you are basically not having a relationship? He is just coming home to eat, watch tv and sleep. You need to have a proper sit down talk with him, but it doesn't sound like he would be up for that, and, of course, you want to work on your issues, but it's a two way street and he would have to want to work on them as well.

Fedup0007 · 02/10/2019 03:49

It seems so. It’s like we are housemates who share a bed. Well not even share a bed as I’m on the sofa due to his snoring!

I wouldn’t class myself as needy or that I need a lot of love and reassuring but little To no affection on top of point refusal to have sex with me on top of him being glued to his phone basically ignoring me is tipping me over the edge. I bet my hormones aren’t helping and probably the lack of sleep isn’t either but I just want him to show me a bit of fucking effort! Not much to ask

OP posts:
alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 02/10/2019 05:26

Hang on, why are you on the sofa when you are pregnant and he is snoring? If I was you I'd be making plans to be a single parent.

Cherrypicker01 · 02/10/2019 09:39

Have you asked if he actually wants to be with you OP? It sounds like he’s checked out tbh

hellsbellsmelons · 02/10/2019 11:49

Well not even share a bed as I’m on the sofa due to his snoring!
WTAF????
You are pregnant and he is allowing you to sleep on the couch.
What a gent you have there!!???
What is the point of him?
You need to really thing about this OP.
This 'man' will be the role model for your DC.
If a boy he will turn out like his dad, if a girl she will choose a man just like him.
Want the best for you - Want the best for your DC.
Stop putting up with this shite!!!
Time to take back some control.
Time to set some boundaries.
Time for ultimatums if necessary.
But he sorts his shit out or he fucks off!
You really don't need him.

Ohnoherewego62 · 02/10/2019 11:57

Are you sure theres noone else if hes engaging more in his phone, not wanting to be intimate, loads of overtime etc

Could be he has checked out also. Unless you sit him down directly you wont know.

TinyTinathy · 02/10/2019 12:00

If you want him to do things, ask for it.
You can't blame him for not reading your mind. Even if you get an outright refusal, at least you both know where you stand.

Fedup0007 · 02/10/2019 13:32

No I defo know for sure he is not playing away whilst claiming he’s working over time and I know this because I pick him up from work when he works over time. Or he will ring me to say he’s left and will be home in 5 mins or whatever and I can hear him saying bye to his work pals.

I don’t check his phone but I’m pretty certain he isn’t shagging anyone else or investing time in OW. If I glance over to his phones it’s the same friend and he occasionally shows me a screenshot of a bet that his friend has sent to him so I know it’s not a woman under his mates name as it’s got the same cracked iPad as I know his friend has.

As for sleeping on the sofa by the time I’m awake and foaming at the mouth with anger due to his relentless snoring I just think it’s better for me to go get on the sofa because I’m already awake by that point and don’t see the point in disturbing him but this morning he said he will come down tonight if he snores because it isn’t fair. Which it’s not. I’m so tired today I could cry.

I feel he may of had a look at my phone this morning and seen what I have posted because he’s doing the exact opposite to his usual and been very loving or maybe he can sense How im feeling.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 02/10/2019 13:58

Well let's hope he did see it and realise what a thoughtless, useless twat he's being.
I'm glad he's volunteered for the sofa.
You need a bed and you need as much comfort and sleep as you can get right now.
This is the part when you should be resting. Reserving your energy for when baby comes along and you have no sleep forever more (slight exaggeration) Grin
I hope he continues like this.
You need a real partner now. Make sure he steps up.
He should be doing MORE than his fair share right now.
He should be looking after YOU!!!

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